Meet the Incredibles
by Theodore Hawkwood
Summary: The Xmen and Misfits meet a family of five from a world destroyed by the Heartless. A continuation of my Coming of the Foe fic and the fic Relocated...
1. Golgotha

Golgotha

Disclaimer: The Misfits are Red Witch's creation. Charmed, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, Pirates of the Caribbean, X-men Evolution, and Kingdom Hearts are not mine. I don't own the Incredibles either; they're property of Disney Pixar.

* * *

_Cerebro. A machine of great power, especially when harnessed by a powerful telepath could detect any use of unusual abilities anywhere on planet Earth. As Charles Xavier and Erich Lensherr's project, it was an eye of unimaginable potency for the X-men. _

_Charles Xavier almost wept with exhaustion. For the past two weeks mutant signatures had been appearing all over San Francisco. Almost as suddenly half of them were either killed or disappeared, into the hands of whom he didn't want to imagine. The Hellfire Club? COBRA? Trask? Whoever these Heartless were?_

_It appeared the Friends of Humanity had established a very strong presence in San Francisco, many of these dead mutants were attributed to the Friend of Humanity. Xavier went to a phone to contact the Misfits, and then awakened the rest of the X-men. This was something that concerned all mutants_

_Cerebro beeped yet again and it's programmed female voice echoed in the chamber, "Unknown signature reported. San Francisco Bay Area. Four signatures. Name Robert Parr, age 43. Name Helen Parr, age 40. Name Violet Parr, age 14. Name Dashiell Robert Parr, age 10. Location. San Francisco…" _

_Xavier moved his wheel chair out into the mansion. There was an important meeting to attend. _

* * *

"Ted will you get off the phone? You just saw Paige this Friday." Sands shouted.

"Why, so you can call the latest party line?" Roadblock quipped.

"Hey." Sands replied, "I used Beach Head's credit card, so it's not like I utilized any house expenses. Besides, Mountaineer probably contributes a hefty sum to the phone bill with daily calls to San Francisco."

"It's better than twice daily calls to the 1-900 line." Ted replied.

"Like I'm the only suspect." Sands glared.

"Sands, you're glaring at a house plant. Sharpen your senses before you face someone at whom you rant." Roadblock rhymed.

"Ha ha. I'm looking at another suspect of the 1-900 line. I believe you ran up the expenses rivaled only by the Blind Master." Sands replied.

"Don't piss off someone who's teaching you to compensate your lack of sight. I may lead you off a cliff." Blind Master replied.

"Anyway, what's the point of all this?" Ted remarked, and then turned towards the phone still in his right hand, "I'll call you on my cell later, Paige. I love you."

"Blech." Sands groaned.

"Watch it…" Ted growled.

"Anyway, we need to draw up a call limit if you will, so that we don't generate as big a phone bill." Roadblock began.

Cover Girl walked into the kitchen, and took a yogurt container out of the fridge and commented, "Last time we tried something like that, things went straight to hell."

"So many of us run up enormous phone bills." Roadblock said, "Hawk wasn't too thrilled about our latest one."

"Well, blame Mountaineer and his calls to San Francisco." Sands remarked.

"Do you want your cane shoved in a very painful place…" Ted threatened.

"OK. Kill each other later." Cover Girl remarked, "This is something we need to address."

"Well the kids run up quite a bill." Ted replied.

"Lance calling Kitty. Pietro and any number of prank calls. Reactions to prank calls." Cover Girl ticked off examples on her fingers.

"Hey! I don't run up that big of a…" Lance protested, as he walked in for a soda and then the phone rang.

"I'll get it! It's for me!" Lance shouted as he ran over to the phone.

"He's even worse than you." Sands quipped, "OW!"

Ted whacked him in the back of the head.

"Will you guys stop acting like the kids for crying out…" Cover Girl began.

Lance said, "Guys, where's Roadblock. It's Xavier…"

After Roadblock picked up the phone he said, "Gather everyone in the living room in ten minutes."

* * *

"What's going on?" Spirit asked.

"Xavier just contacted us with information, sight unseen." Roadblock began, "Apparently mutants are surfacing all over San Francisco. And quite a few of them are disappearing or being killed by the FOH before we can get to them. Because one of us has connections in San Francisco, is why he called acting so keen."

"Right." Ted replied, "I have contacts in San Francisco."

"So do I." Sands replied, coming in from the kitchen, "I just got off the phone with one of them. Things are really fucked up down there, the Friends of Humanity's gained something of a following down there. Three mutants have been killed in the past few weeks."

"What should we do?" Althea asked.

"Sands, how reliable are your sources?" Ted asked.

"Pretty reliable. Why?" Sands asked.

"How deeply can they penetrate the FOH?" Ted asked.

"Mountaineer, why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like what you're about to say." Cover Girl asked.

"They can probably name a leader or two." Sands replied.

"Good." Ted replied.

"That's out of the question." Roadblock said.

"Agreed." Cover Girl added.

"Wait, what are we talking about here?" Emily Arlington asked.

"I'm talking about identifying the leaders of these FOH groups." Ted replied.

"That doesn't seem too bad." Emily asked.

"Identify them and then kill them." Ted replied, "Cut off the head and the snake will die."

"Absolutely not! We're not an assassination squad." Cover Girl began.

"In Israel that policy worked. We broke the backs of numerous Palestinian terror cells by finding their leaders and then killing them." Ted replied.

"This isn't Israel, Ted." Emily began.

"And we're not paid assassins." Arcade added.

"Maybe Mountaineer has a point." Shipwreck said.

"Shipwreck, you can't be serious." Cover Girl blanched.

"He has a point." Shipwreck said, "If we identify the leaders and kill them…"

"Finding and assassinating American citizens? What are we, the KGB?" Blind Master added.

"These 'citizens' are responsible for their share of murders of mutants. Kids barely teenagers I'm hearing." Ted replied.

"That's correct." Low Light replied, "I agree with Ted, if we go after their leaders, either kill or capture them the Friends of Humanity will be less of a thorn in our side."

"You can't be serious?" Cover Girl replied.

"I haven't been any more serious about anything in my life." Ted replied, "We have the training, the capabilities, and the personnel…"

"And I'm not about to get the kids' hands dirty." Cover Girl protested.

"We have killed in battle before, Cover Girl." Ted argued.

"But going up to people and assassinating them is completely different. It's something COBRA would use." Cover Girl argued.

"I agree." Blind Master argued, "We should arrest and interrogate the FOH leaders, not simply gun them down."

"If they're anything like the Palestinian terrorists I've faced over the past nine years." Ted replied, "They're not likely to surrender when we level guns at them, or because the Misfits are at their doorstep. And I argue if we cut the head of the FOH the body will die."

"Even if we kill one, another leader can rise. It's like the Hydra snake." Fred replied.

"Someone paid attention in class the other day." Ted commented, "And I disagree. Kill one frighten a hundred."

"Ted, you're starting to sound like a terrorist." Cover Girl replied.

"I still say it can work." Ted replied.

"I'm not about to let you repeat another Operation Decapitation." Roadblock replied, brusquely.

"Operation Decapitation?" Lance asked, turning to Ted, "What's he talking about?"

"It was an operation the _Shin Bet, _the Israeli Internal Security Service, launched against the Palestinian Intifada in 2001-2003." Roadblock replied, "That's where I first met Ted. Almost every Palestinian wanted for terrorist act was killed or captured during Decapitation. Most of them were killed."

"I can tell them what happened." Ted replied.

_Israel 2001. The burned out shell of the night club brought pillars of smoke into the night sky. Ted helped lead a wounded Israeli girl, putting pressure on a gauze pad on her arm. "It will be alright. You're going to be fine…" Ted began_.

_The girl sobbed piteously, "But Sacha won't. It was only his twentieth birthday. He had only five days left in the Army and then this man came into the club with a bomb…He was going to marry me soon…We were going to live in Galilee…" _

_Ted led the girl to the nearest ambulance. **God, if it is in Your power, allow me to kill the bastards who planned this attack. **Ted thought. _

_YAMAS Base Camp, several hours later. The mournful notes of a solemn rendition of the Hatikva, the Israeli national anthem echoed through the concrete room as the men of the Gaza YAMAS Unit clustered on couches, chairs, seated on the floor, or on top of a large supply crate. It was a collection of men aged twenty through forty, wearing a mixture of MAGAV uniforms and civilian attire. The radio broadcast was dedicated to the young men and women who died in the night club blast. Many of them were teenagers or university students. People on the cusp of life, but now dead. _

_**God, let me kill the sonofabitch. I want the shot. **Ted thought. The thought of the mourning young woman, whose fiancé died in the explosion, entered his mind as her cries echoed through his head._

_In the center of the room, an older gentleman in his fifties, wearing a three piece suit, sans tie stood. He held up a picture as he spoke, "Mahmud Ali, planner and organizer of the Al-Aqsa Martyr's Brigade. We believe he was responsible for the planning of the bombing. He is among the top ten wanted by the Shin Bet. The government wants him dead or alive, but should he die trying to resist, your unit will not be reprimanded…"_

_Two days later: The battered Fiat sedan drove through the crowded street of the Gaza marketplace. Ted checked the IMI Jericho 941F pistol underneath his shirt, drawing back the slide to check that there was a 9mm cartridge chambered. A head scarf wrapped his head concealed his features._

_Samad, sitting beside him in the back seat nodded as the car stopped as Avi stepped out of the car and popped the hood, as though he had engine trouble. Samad and Ted walked over to a Palestinian, in his mid-thirties. "Mahmud Ali?" Samad asked, "I heard you were a mechanic by trade."_

"_Yes." Mahmud replied, smiling, "How may I help you gentlemen?"_

_Ted and Samad both drew out their pistols and Mahmud's expression changed. "Mahmud Ali, you are under arrest for your role in the suicide bombing of the Jerusalem Bistro…"_

_Ali reached into his shirt and both men squeezed the triggers of their weapons multiple times, emptying the magazines into Ali's chest and limbs. Mahmud Ali fell to the ground, shot seventeen times at point blank range. Ted aimed at Ali's forehead and squeezed off one final round…_

"Within three months," Ted began evenly, "We killed or captured a large number of wanted terrorists and managed to prevent countless terror attacks."

The Misfits could see, however, the psychological toll that Gaza had taken on Ted. "So see that I did not come to this decision lightly. But I think if we target the FOH's leadership we can succeed in at least stalling them."

"Ted, let's consult cooler heads before we carry out such a radical plan." Roadblock said, "We shouldn't just go after FOH leadership just because we can."

"We are not an assassination unit." Spirit replied.

"I for one," Shipwreck began, "Don't see any problem with taking the offensive."

"Going and simply shooting people?" Cover Girl protested.

"What if Ted's right?" Lance asked.

"It seems like a reasonable idea. Go on the offensive, keep them hiding so they can't hurt other mutants…" Althea added.

"Al, I can't believe you're saying this!" Toad began, "Ted's talking about killing unsuspecting people."

"Those unsuspecting people, Toad, wouldn't hesitate to kill us." Xi replied, "It seems to be in our best interests."

"It just seems a little shady." Toad replied.

"Kill one, frighten a hundred. Psychologically, that can work." Fred replied.

"Blob, you're agreeing with this?" Toad began, "I can't believe we're contemplating assassinating people. Ted, didn't you guys try and arrest these people?"

"Terrorists don't exactly surrender when guns are leveled in their direction. We operate with a shoot first and ask questions later policy." Ted replied.

"I'll tell you what we're not going to do." Roadblock said, "We are not going off half cocked. We will share this information with the X-men and plan what we will do to take San Francisco back from the Friends of Humanity."

Roadblock turned to Ted, "With as few deaths of FOH members as possible."

"Understood." Ted replied.

* * *

Xavier wheeled into the living room of the X-Mansion, after having got off the phone with Roadblock. He explained the gist of the idea that the Misfits had been discussing.

"We're not assassins." Scott Summers instantly began.

"I can't believe the Misfits are even considering this." Pitor remarked.

"I always knew they were no good." Bobby added.

"I don't know, Charles, Maple Leaf certainly has a point." Logan began, "The best defense would be a good offense."

"That sounds like something Magneto would say, Logan." Jean began.

"Think about it, Red. If we keep the Friends of Humanity running scared they can't attack us." Logan replied.

"Yeah, but killing them?" Jean asked, "There has to be a better solution. Can't we just arrest them?"

"There seems to be a revolving door problem involving those who kill mutants." Logan said.

"SHIELD might be willing to detain those FOH leaders we arrest." Jean Grey replied.

"I'll talk to Fury about it." Logan replied, "But they can't plot if they're dead."

"I can't believe we're contemplating something that Magneto would think up." Kitty replied.

"It's turning into a war, Half Pint. I hate to say that." Logan replied.

"But since when do we go down the road of Magneto?" Kitty asked.

"Kitty, not even all the Misfits agreed with Mountaineer's idea." Scott began.

"There's another matter," Xavier began, "Four new unknown signatures were identified recently."

Xavier played the recording of Cerebro's announcement.

"Unknown signatures?" Scott asked.

"What does that mean?" Warren asked.

"It wasn't identified what the signatures were." Xavier replied.

"Do you think they're witches?" Jean asked, "I mean the Halliwells didn't register on Cerebro, and Whitelighters and Demons can't be detected by it either."

"We wouldn't have detected them if that was the case, Big Red." Logan added.

"It would appear the Misfits would be our best source of information for San Francisco, after all at least one of their members has ties to the area." Xavier concluded, "But we must find this Parr family."

"Maple Leaf," Logan said, using his nickname for Ted, "Almost always heads off to San Francisco to see Paige. I'll go see if we can't ask him to find out about the Parr's."

* * *

The Halliwell Manor was in a business as usual state, with one addition.

"I swear if I see one more noise complaint…" Piper groaned.

"To be fair, it was Shipwreck's fault." Paige began.

"Paige! As far as the neighbors know, Shipwreck is associated with _us_!" Piper said, "What do you expect us to do? Tell the neighbors about the Mass Device?"

Just then Ted teleported into the kitchen, behind Piper as she was ranting, "Paige, every time Ted comes over something goes wrong. Namely Misfits pop up, Heartless appear, the X-men and Misfits go at it, Shipwreck or the Misfits' immature handlers go on a bender, the Pirates go on a bender or some combination…"

"Don't forget all of the above." Paige began.

"What now?" Piper whirled round, hearing the familiar sound of the Mass Device.

"Is this a bad time?" Ted asked.

"Yes." Piper replied.

"Trust you to always be honest." Ted replied.

"Since when do you develop a Sands personality streak?" Piper replied.

"Please do not use me and Sands' names in the same sentence." Ted replied, "By the way he's thinking of moving into the Manor…"

"Absolutely not!" Piper snapped.

"Relax, I'm just joking." Ted replied, "I'd rather ask Paige to orb him to the county landfill."

"Every time you show up something bad happens." Piper began.

"Piper, that was maybe one occasion." Ted replied.

"One occasion? One occasion? There was more than one occasion where your arrival heralded imminent destruction and chaos!" Piper shouted, spreading her arms out.

"Name one." Ted replied.

"OK, there was the incident where we first met you." Piper replied.

"Piper, to be fair, Ted was being attacked by Nazarac at the time because she was trying to kill Sands." Paige replied.

"Not now, Paige…" Piper replied.

"Alright, so maybe that incident was on the destructive side…" Ted replied.

"Slightly destructive? Slightly destructive?" Piper began, "First you bring a blind criminal into the house…"

"For which I apologize." Ted replied.

"Then four hyperactive mutant teenagers, an insane sailor and a pirate come raging over here and cause mayhem and destruction!" Piper ranted.

"As if that doesn't happen already," Ted quipped, "What with your contact with demons…"

"Ted, not another word!" Piper said.

"Well the grandfather clock always seems to get destroyed every time a demon pays us a visit." Paige replied.

"Demon destruction is one thing. Round the clock insanity is something else entirely!" Piper remarked.

"OK, so maybe the first time was an exception rather than a rule." Ted began, "I admit some insanity jumped into the mix. But that was whenever I show up regarding work. When I come by not on work related things, nothing happens."

"Did you forget your first date with Paige?" Piper remarked.

"Hello, I'm in the room here, Piper!" Paige protested.

Piper continued her rant at Ted, "First the Misfits wreck a movie theater with the X-men. Then Shipwreck and his insane buddies get drunk, steal a rocket booster, attach it to a shopping cart and launch themselves down the road and smash themselves into a wall…"

"It was kind of funny to see you wailing on Shipwreck." Paige replied.

"I agree." Ted replied, squeezing her hand.

Paige returned the squeeze and Ted added, "And Paige and I have been on other dates where nothing happened."

"Might I ask why you decide to shred me to ribbons when I showed up earlier?" Ted replied.

"Let's just say Shipwreck's latest misadventure, not to mention insane Pirates running around the neighborhood." Piper replied, "It ruined our new neighbors' dinner."

"That was more Zartan's fault, Piper, not mine." Ted replied.

"Whatever." Piper said, as she went to get dinner started.

Ted and Paige walked outside onto the porch. Ted wrapped his arms around Paige's waist, as she wrapped her own around his neck and he kissed her. "Is there any reason Piper was going absolutely ballistic on me today?"

"Piper really feels bad that she recommended a restaurant to our neighbors that got attacked by Zartan and COBRA." Paige replied.

"I can understand." Ted replied, "So who are your new neighbors?"

"The Parr family." Paige replied, "They moved over here from Syracuse. Syracuse, Italy."

_Parr, wait a second, Roadblock wanted me to find out more about them…Wait a second, I already met him earlier__1_ Ted thought.

"You mean Bob, you're co-worker?" Ted asked.

"Yeah." Paige replied, "He really helped us with this asshole landlord last week."

"Oh really?" Ted asked, "Tell me all about it."

"I'll tell you at dinner." Paige replied, "It isn't Quake, but it's this Italian place Phoebe recommended."

"Must be nice to have a big sister who's an advice columnist." Ted quipped.

"Will you idiots shut up!" Phoebe shouted, "The less I know about your expeditions to bug Elder Gideon and Natalie, the happier I am!"

"Except when she has coyote problems." Paige replied.

"Sounds exactly like Lance and his Coyote issues." Ted replied.

"How is Lance holding up?" Paige asked.

"Metal Muscles is really pushing his buttons some more. He and Kitty are still in the great love triangle." Ted replied.

"It sounds like she can't decide." Paige replied.

"Yeah." Ted replied.

"I wonder what normal couples talk about on dates." Paige commented as Ted started up his truck.

"Hey, normal is a setting on a washing machine, as far as I'm concerned." Ted replied.

"So any pointers on rock climbing?" Paige asked, "After all, we are visiting that climbing gym after dinner."

"Well, just improvise and explore." Ted replied, "I'll have a firm hold of you on the belaying line. I think it's neat you wanted to try one of my hobbies."

"You were good enough to hold still for that portrait I wanted to do of you last time, it's only fair." Paige replied.

"Well," Ted replied, as he parked outside of the restaurant, closed his door and helped Paige out of the passenger side door, "what kind of clod would I be if I dragged you places I wanted to go and you didn't?"

"We probably wouldn't still be dating if you were a clod." Paige replied.

"That painting isn't going to see the light of day, is it?" Ted asked.

Paige smiled, "But I thought that you looked so fetching in that Roman gladiator outfit."

"I looked like an escapee from one of Arcade, Ted, and Kurt's insane little role-playing games." Ted replied.

"Oh whatever, the Coliseum painting was wonderful." Paige replied.

"It had better not see the light of day." Ted replied.

"It really showed off your legs." Paige replied.

"It was hideous." Ted replied.

Paige fixed him with a mock pout, before they kissed and went into the restaurant, "We'd better hurry before our reservation expires…"

* * *

TBC

1 See _Relocated_ chapter 4, in the Incredibles section.


	2. Supers, Conspiracies, and Coyotes

Supers, Conspiracies, and Coyotes

Disclaimer: Same as before…

* * *

"I told you that if you're a beginner you don't have to stay on the route." Ted began, as he and Paige sat in the cab of his truck. He was talking about the colored tape that marked the route on the wall of the climbing gym.

Paige stretched a sore and tired arm, "How do you call that fun?" Paige groaned.

"Easy, when I see I've conquered a route I thought was impossible." Ted replied.

"And some of those holds are miniature..." Paige began.

"That's what hangboards are for." Ted replied. At her quizzical expression, Ted added, "They're basically like pull up bars but focus more on building muscles in your hands and fingers as opposed to your lats."

"Either way, this was at least a date I couldn't call boring." Paige commented.

"Glad to hear it." Ted replied, massaging her sore arm.

"But next time we're doing something that's actually relaxing." Paige replied, leaning her head on his shoulder, "Not one where I'm hanging on for dear life..."

"I had you safely tethered to me..." Ted replied.

"By a chunk of clothesline." Paige replied.

"Actually dynamic rope is a good deal sturdier than clothesline." Ted replied, "It can hold someone as heavy as the Blob without breaking."

"I wouldn't go that far and..." Paige began as Ted pulled into Paige's driveway, "What on earth? Oh great, the Pirates are on the loose again, and Shipwreck is probably in the neighborhood."

Indeed, the Pirates were wandering up and down the lawn, with Jack Sparrow in the lead. All of them were waving bottles of rum around. Standing in front of them was a very annoyed woman in her late thirties or early forties, with a slim and athletic frame as well as short, tousled brown hair. Presumably she'd been woken up from sleeping.

Ted stopped the truck and he and Paige headed for the scene, as Ted's mobile phone went off. "Yes, Roadblock, I think I know what you're talking about?"

"You know about Shipwreck and the Pirates on a bender in San Francisco?" Roadblock asked.

"I'm kind of witnessing the after effects." Ted replied.

"…Not to mention Shipwreck." Paige replied.

"What are you maniacs doing?" the brown haired woman asked Shipwreck.

"Excuse me missy, may I ask who _you _are?" Shipwreck asked.

"ARRRHHH HAR HAR HAR!" The Pirates and Shipwreck all shouted like maniacs.

"My name's Helen Parr, and you just woke up…"

"PARRRR HA HA HA HARRRR!" The Pirates all chanted crazily, as loudly as they could yell.

"Listen, it's obvious you guys are drunk and have just come back from the bar…" Helen began.

"BARRRR HAR HA HAR!" Shipwreck and the Pirates all shouted loudly enough to wake the neighborhood. Meanwhile Jack Sparrow dropped his empty bottle onto the hood of Bob's car.

"I hope you guys didn't dent the car." Helen remarked. _Damn._

"CARRRR! HA HA HA HAR!" the Pirates all laughed and shouted insanely.

"Honey!" Bob shouted, as he came out of the house next door, in his pajamas, "What's with all the racket…oh no, not you idiots again."

"Honey, just don't say any words with THAT LETTER in them!" Helen shouted back.

"Will you people shut up! People are trying to sleep!" shouted someone from the house across the street.

"ARRGH HA HA HA HAR!" The Pirates all shouted insanely.

"That better not be a dent in my…" Bob began.

"NO! Don't say it!" Ted, Paige, and Helen all shouted.

"…car!" Bob finished.

"CARRRRR HAR HAR HAR HAR!" The Pirates all chanted like maniacs.

"Bob!" Helen replied, "Don't say words with…"

"With…?" Bob began.

Just then the Misfits teleported into the neighborhood, behind the Halliwell house, they walked over to the commotion and Althea said, "There you are, Dad…And the Pirates are with you too."

"ARRHHH HA HA HA HARRR!" The Pirates all shouted.

"Althea," Paige commented, "You should know by now never to say anything that has 'the letter' in it whenever the Pirates are drunk."

"Will you people stop with that racket!" Piper shouted as she stormed angrily out of the house.

"Blast, they're onto us." Jack Sparrow began.

"Damn right we're on to you," Piper shouted at Jack, "You are…"

"ARRGH HAR HAR HAR!" The Pirates all shouted.

"…In very deep shit." Piper said, as she bashed Jack and Shipwreck with an umbrella.

"Should we step in?" Althea asked Cover Girl.

"Nah" Cover Girl replied, "Piper's doing a hell of a job on those two, ones that put Storm frying Shipwreck to shame…"

WHUMP! WHAM! BONK!

"OW! OW! OW! MERCY!" Shipwreck shouted as he ran down the street with Jack Sparrow as they fled an extremely angry Piper.

CRASH! WHACK! POW!

"Piper! No! Let me have a few whacks!" Anamaria shouted as the female pirate drew her cutlass and shouted, "Jack, you missed our anniversary! PREPARE TO DIE!"

The two women ran down the street, chasing Shipwreck and Jack who were in full retreat. "Ow, that should be illegal, Piper…" Paige winced.

CRACK! WHACK! BAM! BONK! BONK! BONK!

"YAGGGHHH!" Shipwreck shouted.

"You three are _filming _this?" Ted asked incredulously as Trinity held three cute little pink digital cameras out.

"Ted," Lance said, "Those three film everything, you should know that. Whoa! That looks painful…I really pity Jack."

"Who would think someone could do _that_ with a sword." Blob commented.

"Ouch, that should be rated…" Arcade began before Blob and Lance clamped their hands over his mouth.

"Remember don't say that letter in front of the Pirates when they're drunk, Arcade…" Lance hissed. _Damn._

"ARRRRRRCADE! ARH HA HA HA HAR!" The Pirates shouted drunkenly.

"Since there be nothing to 'ARH' we best be singing..." Mr. Gibbs replied.

"Singing, drunken pirates…" Althea began, "At least we can't say we have boring nights.

"What shall we do with a drunken Shipwreck? What shall we do with a drunken Shipwreck? What shall we do with a drunken Shipwreck early in the morning?" Mr. Gibbs began.

"Way hey and Piper beats him! Way hey and Piper beats him! Way hey and Piper beats him early in the morning!" The other Pirates sang.

"Throw him in the brig until he's sober! Throw him in the brig until he's sober! Throw him in the brig until he's sober! Early in the morning!" Gibbs sang.

"Way hey and Piper beats him! Way hey and Piper beats him! Way hey and Piper beats him early in the morning!" The Pirates all sang back.

"Have Storm electrify him! Have Storm electrify him! Have Storm electrify him early in the morning!" Gibbs sang.

"Way hey and Piper beats him! Way hey and Piper beats him! Way hey and Piper beats him early in the morning!" The Pirates all sang and started dancing around like drunken deranged maniacs.

"Well," Paige said, "I can't say it's been a boring date. How many verses are there to this song?"

"The last one I heard was a dozen. They got creative…" Ted replied.

"Let the Triplets play with makeup! Let the Triplets play with makeup! Let the Triplets play with makeup early in the morning!" Gibbs sang.

"Hate to break up your singing group, but why did you guys go to San Francisco?" Cover Girl asked one of the Pirates.

"Easy, there be Nautical Night and half priced drinks on Fisherman's Wharf, especially at Pirate's Bar and Grill…" Gibbs began.

"BAR HA HA HA HAR!" The Pirates shouted.

"You know what happens when you ask a dumb question." Cover Girl groaned to herself.

"And knowing is…" Xi began.

"NOT NOW XI!" came the shout from everyone within earshot as insanity and chaos descended upon the neighborhood.

* * *

"Something that might be of interest to you." Mirage began as she dropped a file onto the oval shaped table.

"This had better be good if you're interrupting this meeting, woman." Armando Barillo, leader of the Barillo drug cartel.

"Let's just say it's a group from my world that could be trouble." Mirage said.

"With the Heartless at our side…" Xamot began.

"…We are more than a match for whatever the Misfits and X-men may throw at us." Tomax replied.

"Not to mention G.I. Joe." Cobra Commander added.

"Let's not be overconfident, gentlemen." Bolivar Trask said, "I hate to say it, but the X-men and Misfits have displayed an unusual resilience."

"Are you afraid, Trask?" Reverend Stryker said, "If God is on our side, who can be on the side of these unholy abominations."

"You forget, Stryker, that those 'unholy abominations' have thwarted your designs on many occasions." Cobra Commander said, calmly.

"I could say the same of you." Reverend Stryker replied calmly, "Competence has never been your defining trait…"

Cobra Commander bristled, as he glared angrily at Stryker under his cowl, however Syndrome banged his mechanical fist on the table before the leader of COBRA could reply. "Gentlemen, please, we all have common goals here. Let's not let petty bickering divide us."

"Precisely. Though that may be a difficulty for some of us." Stryker began.

"As soon as this is all over…" Cobra Commander threatened.

"Enough!" Syndrome bellowed, "Now, Stryker, how is your FOH operation in San Francisco?"

"So far everything is going according to planned. We're taking full advantage of anti-mutant hysteria in the Bay Area." Stryker replied.

Cobra Commander knew that this was the reporting part of Syndrome's meetings, the part where he demanded what all the various branches of his scheme were up to.

"I hope you're capturing a few test subjects for our labs as well, Stryker." Cobra Commander interjected, "Your associates have a bad habit of turning out corpses as opposed to live test subjects."

"You'll get your fair share." Stryker replied.

"Moving on." Syndrome replied, "Barillo, how are operations in Mexico going?"

"My distribution network is already ready to move the Serum along our traditional smuggling routes and my distributors are already attempting to market it among our usual customers." Barillo replied.

"Why not simply combine it with your usual product?" Mindbender asked, "But I would like healthier test subjects. Junkies rarely survive the process to make them Soldier Heartless…"

"That's where you step in, Stryker." Syndrome began, "Try not to kill so many mutants, take a few of them alive in the best of health."

"What of this information that your associate, Mirage, had for us?" Barillo asked.

"It seems an old enemy from our world has resurfaced." Mirage said.

"And that would be?" Cobra Commander said.

"The Incredibles." Mirage replied.

Syndrome scowled darkly, "I knew there were a few loose ends…"

"Please enlighten us," Destro asked, "Who or what are these 'Incredibles?"

"They are members of a race of beings known as Supers." Mirage replied, "They are similar to Mutants in most respects, having powers such as super strength, extreme flexibility, super speed, invisibility and force field generation."

"Please continue." Destro began.

"They're very close to your operations in San Francisco, Stryker." Mirage began.

"And you couldn't see this threat under your own nose?" Cobra Commander asked, laughing harshly.

Stryker scoffed at Cobra Commander's laughter, "And if I'm not mistaken, Cobra Commander, some of your operatives caused quite a lot of consternation. What idiot assigns Zartan and the Dreadnoks for covert operations in San Francisco."

"HEY! They were the only ones available…" Cobra Commander replied.

"A bunch of muscle bound, overgrown preschoolers are not the best candidates for covert operations." Stryker replied snidely, "If I do recall, the teacher of this kindergarten of the incompetent was exposed and started a gunfight with the Misfits at Quake…"

"All pissing contests aside," Trask asked, "What of some strange activity centered around 1329 Prescott Street?"

"It's just that one of the new Joes assigned to the Misfits, the new guy 'Mountaineer'…" Xamot began.

"…is dating one of three sisters that live in that house." Tomax replied.

"Name?" Syndrome asked.

"Paige Matthews, age twenty-eight, works at South Bay Social Services." Tomax replied.

"Perhaps a way in…" Xamot began.

"…Or a possible hostage." Tomax replied.

"On a different note, what is this 'Serum' you market?" Barillo asked.

"Why do you want to know?" Syndrome challenged, "Do you plan to use it?"

"Of course not, but I like to know what I sell…" Barillo began.

"Don't tell me drug kingpins have conscience." Destro laughed contemptuously.

"No. I need to know so I can price it accordingly." Barillo replied.

"Your base of operations in Culiacan Province is adequate for our plans. And your labs in the desert are more than adequate, Mindbender." Syndrome replied, "Now, gentlemen, we should bear in mind that if we realize each of our smaller goals, we will achieve our one aim…"

* * *

"Well that was a disaster…" Cole Turner growled to no one in particular as he fingered a small picture of Phoebe in his right hand, hence his surprise when he heard a reply…

"Which part?"

Cole turned in time to see a large gray furred Coyote idly scratching behind his ear with his right foot.

"What the hell?" Cole asked.

"Well, last time I checked, Belthazor, you weren't all that popular down there. So I wouldn't try to ask them for what the 'hell' I am…" Guile replied.

"OK, what are you?" Cole asked, "And that side of me is permanently vanquished."

"A coyote, duh…" Guile began.

"I can see that, I have eyes you know." Cole replied, more than mildly irritated.

"Well, your smarter than Lance at any rate…" Guile began.

"Oh great, you're somehow one of the Misfits, aren't you?" Cole growled.

"Not at all," Guile said, "And I do feel mildly insulted that you consider me one of them…"

"Then my million dollar question is who are you?" Cole asked.

"You of all people, using the term loosely," Guile began, "Should know. Anyone with even the faintest magical knowledge should know of the Guardians of Chaos…"

"Now I know who you are!" Cole shouted, and flung an energy ball at Guile who simply sidestepped it and laughed.

"Belthazor!" Guile laughed, "Do you realize the Source of all Evil himself tried to kill us for nearly four hundred years, using several upper level demons, not including yourself of course, and failed. What makes you think you can do so?"

"Alright, that unpleasant fact aside, what disaster are you talking about?" Cole replied.

"I believe her name is Phoebe." Guile began, "And when it comes to disaster, in her mental dictionary there's a large photograph of you next to it."

"Where shall I begin?" Guile continued, "First there was the incident with the Triad sending you against the Charmed Ones in the first place. You fell in love with the witch, causing the Triad to get mad at you. You then killed the Triad, and had Zotars chasing you around."

"OK, at least my humanity was awakened." Cole snapped back. This gray furred menace was starting to get annoying.

"Let's recap. You killed an innocent witch that the sisters were protecting. In the process you got Phoebe pissed off at you…" The Coyote replied.

"Hey! I was the Demon Who Came In From the Cold. My old mentor, Raynor, infected me!" Cole replied, "It was a case of demonic possession."

"OK, then it resulted in Phoebe turning into a Banshee." The Coyote replied, "And later a mermaid. Although in that latter incarnation she seemed happier than she ever was with you!"

The Coyote dodged yet another projectile and Cole said, "Is there a point with you rattling off every mistake regarding Phoebe?"

"If I were to try to catalogue that, we would be here all night." Guile replied, laughing as he ran away from Cole who was chasing him around the room.

"Then when you tried to alter reality as an Avatar, things really went south." Guile added.

"Is there any point to all this?" Cole demanded with outstretched arms.

"Normally when me or my brothers Trickery and Guile annoy people, it's just to have fun." Guile added.

"Great." Cole groaned, "But, in some cases we do it for revenge. Like the conquistador, Marquez, after he killed us when we were mortals. The Great Spirit turned us into three mystical coyotes that only he could see and…"

"…Let me guess, you annoyed him to death." Cole replied.

"Bingo!" Guile replied.

"So you're here to annoy me to death?" Cole asked.

"Nah…" Guile replied, "Too much work. Sometimes we come by for fun, or to give advice or to annoy people to death…."

"OK, so you're not here to drive me insane until I die, but why are you here?" Cole asked.

"What do you think?" Guile replied, before disappearing.

"Great." Cole said, to no one, "What could be worse?"

Just then a trio of pint sized bearded men in sailor suits appeared in the room. They blinked and went into a song and dance routine.

"We represent the Shipwreck Guild! The Shipwreck Guild! The Shipwreck Guild!" The Shipwreck clones sang, "We represent the Shipwreck Guild! And now we're going to go play with all your stuff!"

The Shipwreck clones promptly proceeded to trash Cole's dwelling as the annoyed former demon went after them with a vengeance.

* * *

Charles Xavier sat in his study that night, rubbing his temples as chaos and destruction echoed just outside the door.

"DIE BOBBY DIE!"

"HELP! HELP!" Bobby screamed as Amara, Jubilee, and Tabitha chased him down the hall.

BOOM!

"YEOWCH! NO FIRE NO FIRE!" Bobby screamed.

"AUGH! The fireworks are even worse!" Bobby squealed like a small girl.

POOF! BANG! BOOM!

"EUREKA! The C4 filled walking cherry bombs were a success! HA HA!" Forge screamed, triumphantly, "I am the equal of Archimedes! I…"

"FORGE!" Scott shouted, "Can you explain why my car is covered with soot and ash!"

"Eh heh heh…." Forge began, "Uh, it's been pretty smoggy out…"

"Nice try!" Scott replied, "Prepare to die!"

"You've been around Roadblock and the Misfits too long." Forge observed, "YIKES!"

The sound of Scott firing his optical blasts could be heard in symphony with Forge's screams of terror and running footsteps.

"What else could go wrong?" Xavier asked.

Just then, in a shimmering vaguely reminiscent of oversized pollen grains, a man wearing a suit minus a tie appeared.

"Excuse me. Professor Xavier, I presume?" the man asked.

"Yes." Xavier replied.

"My name is Cole Turner, and I have a question for you." Cole began.

"Go ahead." Xavier replied.

"Are _these_ yours?" Cole asked.

Cole stepped aside to show three Shipwreck clones surrounded by a magical bubble.

"No," Xavier said, "But we are familiar with them."

"OK, they're your problem then." Cole replied.

"You can't just leave them here with us!" Xavier said. _This headache will be epic. _

"I can and I will." Cole replied, "They can wreck your mansion now."

"Like my students aren't already." Xavier replied.

"AUGH! MAD DRAGON! MAD DRAGON! HELP! OW!" Kurt screamed, "HE'S BITING MY TAIL! HE'S BITING MY TAIL!"

Just then Mojo appeared in Xavier's study, "Ah Xavier, I see you've found my Shipwreck clones and…"

"These belong to you?" Cole asked in a slow tone.

"Uh, yes." Mojo replied.

In a perfect imitation of Mojo Cole replied, "Uh, prepare to die…horribly."

Cole's eyes glowed white hot as white hot flame balls appeared on his hands. Mojo's eyes widened as Cole came after him. He narrowly dodged a fireball.

"A little help, please?" Mojo asked Xavier.

"I maintain a policy of neutrality…" Xavier began.

"Wimp!" Mojo shouted, "OW!"

A fireball struck home then, and Mojo sped away on the motorized anti-gravity sled he rode on. Mojo fled the study as fast as he could.

"AUGH! My butt's on fire!" Mojo could be heard screaming, "SOMEBODY SAVE ME FROM THE PSYCHO DEMON!"

"I'm NOT a demon!" Cole shouted back as he fired a gravity ball at Mojo. It was a small black sphere the size of a ball bearing, but massed heavier than depleted uranium.

WHACK!

"Have mercy…" Mojo begged, "I may not be able to have children after that one."

Cole launched another gravity ball, this one aimed at Mojo's gravity sled, disabling it. Mojo was launched forward into the wall, smashing a hole in it. A feminine shriek could be heard as Storm charged out of the hole wearing nothing but a towel and water droplets.

Lightning bolts struck Mojo as well. "YEOW! OW! MERCY!"

"Don't let that slug get away!" Cole shouted, and as he passed Storm he said, "Nice towel."

ZAP!

"OW! HEY!" Cole shouted, "Use that on Mojo! Not me!"

"AUGH! HELP! SAVE ME!" Mojo screamed.

"Do you hear something upstairs?" Scott asked Jean as he sipped on some tea, as they sat in the living room. More crashing could be heard.

"I think you're just hearing things." Jean replied.

"YOW WOW OW! SOMEBODY HELP!" Mojo screamed as the sound of fire balls, crashing gravity balls, and lightning could be heard.

"I wonder how high Mojo's ratings will be in the Mojoverse when his viewers see him getting stomped on by Storm and whoever's hitting him with fireballs?" Scott asked, grinning.

"Are you getting this on tape?" Jean asked.

"I paid Multiple a hundred dollars, and the security cameras upstairs should get some decent footage." Scott replied.

"Scott, the question is, what are we going to do with all that footage?" Jean asked.

"Blackmail, Jean, is an ugly practice…" Scott grinned, "But it might work to keep Mojo off our backs…"

"AAAAIIEEEEEEEE!" Mojo could be heard screaming upstairs.

* * *

TBC 


	3. Detachments

Detachments

Disclaimer: Same as before…I also don't own Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego. I happen to be a Coverwreck (Cover Girl and Shipwreck) fan because I've seen several fanfics where they've at least flirted with each other.

* * *

"OW! OW! YEOW! OUCH!" the screaming drifted through the back window as Elizabeth Turner held her cooing two month old son, Alex, in her arms (1). 

"What's going on?" Elizabeth asked, concerned.

"Jack made an error of some kind apparently." Will replied, "He forgot it was he and Anamaria's anniversary and went out to get drunk with Shipwreck and the other pirates."

Will reached his hand out, allowing his little boy to grab his finger. He smiled at the baby, who was now cooing softly.

"YEOW!" Jack shouted.

"Has Anamaria calmed down yet?" Will asked.

"Not quite. She's been at this for quite a while." Elizabeth began, "Which reminds me…"

"I've everything ready for next week. Including a babysitter." Will replied.

"Who did you find?" Elizabeth asked.

"Jack." Will replied.

"Couldn't you find any other alternatives?" Elizabeth asked.

"Jack is our son's godfather, and with Anamaria's help they could be…" Will replied.

"I only ask you to look for other alternatives…" Elizabeth asked.

"SHIPWRECK! WHERE'S MY BRA? YOU ARE SO DEAD! YOU HEAR ME DEAD!" Cover Girl shouted.

"Spirit! Blind Master! This is no time for drunken knife fighting demonstrations!" Roadblock said, "Sometimes I swear is safer at the border between two warring nations."

"Die Pietro! Die!" The shout echoed from the back yard.

"Nyah! Nyah! You can't catch me!" Pietro shouted, "NO HEXING! NOT FAIR! YEOW! OW! OW! THORNS! THORNS! THORNS!"

Running outside the window behind Elizabeth's head were several rosebushes glowing blue. They were whacking Pietro with their thorny branches and he howled like a swatted child.

"Considering the other inhabitants of this house, Jack and Anamaria are the most logical choice." Will replied.

"I still think you should look harder." Elizabeth replied.

"Elizabeth, I've been through this before. Who would you want me to ask? Sands? No, he probably would accidentally bathe the baby in the toilet. Ted? He's busy enough as is, being the new guy on the team and balancing a new romance. Emily? God knows, she's off with the intelligence guys on the Pit. Shipwreck? That's out of the question!" Will replied.

"Shipwreck might not be a bad idea." Elizabeth said firmly, "He did manage to quiet Alex with the Taco Grande song…"

Alex cooed softly.

"Shipwreck, a babysitter? No. Absolutely not…I might as well bring Captain Barbossa back from the dead and ask him to babysit!" Will replied.

"I think Jack and Anamaria are a bit preoccupied." Elizabeth replied.

"They're the most logical choice." Will replied.

"I notice logic is always in short supply around these people." Elizabeth replied.

* * *

"Let me get this straight, Mountaineer." Hawk began, several hours later as the Misfit handlers and the most senior mutants were clustered around a circular table, "You conceived a plan very similar to the 1972 Operation Wrath of God, following the Munich massacre that same year." 

"Exactly." Ted replied, "Sir."

"Let me be clear with you, Mountaineer. This isn't Israel. And these aren't secret assassination missions for the Shin Bet." Hawk replied.

"I disagree, sir. The Friends of Humanity are a clear and present threat to mutants in the San Francisco Area of Operations. And also a clear threat to G.I. Joe, given some possible COBRA connections." Ted replied.

"You don't have any hard proof of this do you?" Hawk asked.

"No sir." Ted replied.

"But there is some evidence of a COBRA connection." Roadblock added, "We did fight Zartan a few weeks ago."

"But you don't have hard evidence of a COBRA conspiracy with the FOH." Hawk said, "However, I know COBRA isn't above this sort of thing. The question is what the relationship is exactly. We won't be able to get that information from corpses."

"I disagree, sir." Ted replied, "If we sever the head of the snake, the body will die. The FOH will be less of a thorn in our side. They're a borderline terrorist group according to the FBI…"

"Assassination was not a mission I created the Misfits for." Hawk replied, "Sands, how reliable are these sources of yours."

"Pretty reliable. I can get them to penetrate certain cells of FOH operation in San Francisco and ferret out the leaders." Sands replied, "And possibly even the leaders

"Perfect for what I had proposed." Ted replied.

Hawk hefted a manila envelop, "Let's get one thing straight, Mountaineer. You are no longer under the authority of the Shin Bet, or the MAGAV or any Israeli command structures. You take orders from me and I do not condone going into the homes of these FOH leaders and killing them outright. We can't get intelligence from corpses."

"Sir, I disagree. We should interrogate them first…" Ted began.

"Mountaineer! Stand down, soldier!" Hawk said, raising his voice, "I am not willing to condone interrogation and execution…"

"Even of human scum that wouldn't think once of killing innocent children." Ted replied, his own voice rising, "I will be personally damned if I see another child killed by these vile creatures…"

"Sergeant," Hawk said, "Stand down. You are getting far out of line. As reprehensible as the Friends of Humanity's actions have been, we are _not _stooping to their level. End if discussion."

"Yes sir." Ted replied.

"However, Mountaineer's plan could work with some modification." Spirit interjected, "I've been doing some thinking of my own."

"And that would be what?" Hawk asked.

"Sir, if we modify Mountaineer's plan. Capture, detain, and interrogate the Friends of Humanity leaders…" Spirit began, and glancing at Ted, "Without killing them."

"Agreed." Ted replied.

"We are not murdering FOH cadre for any reason." Roadblock said, "That doesn't mean we won't use force, but we will capture and interrogate the FOH Cadre. The Israeli solution will not be used."

"Very few pest problems can't be solved with a little tactical intelligence, a GPS beacon and a Hellfire missile from an Apache gunship." Ted replied.

"As previously stated, Mountaineer, this isn't the West Bank. We're not an Israeli unit. And we do not simply assassinate people like Reverend Stryker and call it justice." Hawk said, with barely concealed anger, "One more remark or outburst from you and consider yourself on report…"

* * *

"I heard Mountaineer was planning to assassinate the FOH leaders." Sunspot began. 

"What do you mean?" Multiple asked.

"He means just going up to them and shooting them in the street where they stand." Bobby said.

"Well good. It's about time somebody showed Stryker some force." Rogue replied.

"But are you sure such tactics are ethical?" Kurt asked, "I mean we are sinking to their level if we try those tactics."

"But I see the logic in Mountaineer's idea." Gambit replied, "If we kill the leaders then the thugs will become disorganized and easy prey."

"Remy, I knew you have a background in crime, but I never thought of you as an assassin…" Kurt replied.

"I didn't say I agreed with it." Gambit replied, "I just can see the logic in it."

"What logic?" Kurt said, "It's murder, plain and simple."

"Logically speaking." Gambit replied, "Kill the leaders, frighten the followers, they'll be less of a threat."

"It's just so disturbing. I mean we're the good guys, right?" Kitty asked, "We don't assassinate people. That's what bad guys do."

"They wouldn't hesitate to do that to us, thought." Rogue replied.

"That doesn't make it right." Kitty snapped back, "I mean, we're heroes, we're the good guys, we're not murderers…"

* * *

Helen Parr stretched herself, remembering not to make herself extend several feet the way her powers made her capable of doing. She sat at the bench outside the YMCA racquetball court waiting for her partner. 

Helen looked up and saw a woman in her late twenties, with clear blue eyes, her brown hair done up in a simple ponytail.

"Marian(2), what's up?" Helen asked.

"I've heard reports of vigilante activity." Marian replied, with a slight Scottish accent, "Involving a family sized group in red costumes. Please tell me these 'rumors' are just that, rumors…"

"Not really." Helen replied, "We have been…"

"For God's sake, Helen." Marian replied, "Why make my job harder than it needs to be? I know it's frustrating being stuck here while your world is ravaged by Syndrome, but try to be less conspicuous."

"We've been low key with our 'activities'." Helen protested.

"The Bay Mirror article regarding 'Masked Strangers Beat Up Friends of Humanity Members' says different." Marian replied.

"Look, Marian, I mean your organization, the SFPD and everyone else hasn't really been doing much about the fact that the FOH have been beating up on mutants at will." Helen replied, "What is your agency going to do about it?"

"That isn't my concern." Marian replied. _Like hell it isn't. A lot of them are innocent kids, despite the weird appearances of some of them. How the hell aren't we involved…_

"I repeat. What is ACME going to do about the FOH menace?" Helen replied. After a heartbeat's silence, "Nothing. We have to stop these bigots."

Marian sighed tiredly, "Try to be less conspicuous next time. After all, the whole idea of relocation is to send you to a safer world while we try and get to the root of the Heartless problem in Metroville."

"Some 'safer world'." Helen replied, "Bigots, insane pirates, hyperactive mutant teenagers and terrorists."

* * *

Cover Girl finished work early, and stepped out of the motor pool, wiping the sweat from her forehead after fixing up yet another tank. _Shipwreck, you_ _sure pick the worse times to go joyriding on tanks._

She walked out into the cool desert evening and wondered. _This is the second time I've thought about Shipwreck? Why did I do that? It's probably because he trashed this tank and made more work for me…_

She heard the sound of metal being hit with a hammer below her feet, and she glanced down at the vertical rock face that she stood at the edge of. She saw Mountaineer and Alpine racing each other up the rock face.

"Come on slowpoke!" Alpine shouted, as the two were lead climbing up the rocks, "I thought Israeli Spec Ops guys were climbing and rappelling buffs."

"That we are." Ted replied, "That's why I conserve my strength for the next…JUMP!"

Ted practically jumped a body length and a half to a nearby handhold and gripped it with the tips of his fingers. He was thankful for the dynamic rope that was tied tightly around his harness and connected to the pins in the rock face at intervals of a few feet. Had he slipped without the rope, Paige would suddenly find herself single again.

"Mountaineer, you are officially insane!" Alpine shouted as both of them climbed to the top of the rock face.

"Can't you two find somewhere _else_ to climb!" Cover Girl snapped, "I'm trying to find some peace of mind."

"Sorry Cover Girl," Ted replied, as he set his rope up onto a solid anchor, a large rock, and getting his harness set up for rappelling down the cliff face, "This cliff face has been calling my name to lead climb it for over a week."

"Can't it wait another few hours?" Cover Girl replied.

Ted recognized the irritated expression and said, "We were just leaving. Could you do us a favor and toss down our climbing ropes?"

"Yeah." Alpine replied, as both men rappelled down the cliff face, racing each other as to who would make it down first.

Cover Girl undid their anchors when she saw they were safely on the ground and wondered. _I wonder, why think of Shipwreck at the dumbest times? _

She decided that her secret spot overlooking the canyon just behind the motor pool wasn't the place she wanted to go to do some thinking. She walked through a small stand of mesquite trees until she bumped right into someone.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you and…" Cover Girl began.

"It's OK." Low Light replied.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Cover Girl asked, knowing Low Light often wandered off on his own at night for a little while, for some measure of inner peace. What a perfect opportunity to get a little closer to him.

"Courtney." Low Light began, "Do you mind?"

"No, I don't. Do I mind what?" Cover Girl replied.

"I'd like to be alone for a little bit." Low Light replied.

"Oh, OK." Cover Girl replied, and headed away from the trees.

_We all know Shipwreck doesn't have the most sense in the world. _A voice said in Cover Girl's head.

_But you always know how he feels about things._ Another equally compelling voice commented in return.

_He wears his heart on his sleeve. _The other voice countered.

_But at least its an open and caring heart. You remember how he soothed Alex, what a wonderful Dad he is, despite his nutty nature…_Cover Girl thought.

_He's crude. _The first voice countered.

_He's generous. _The second voice replied.

_He's arrogant and foolhardy. _The first voice brought in.

_But he's giving and a good heart. _The second voice countered.

Cover Girl sat down on a rock in the midst of the woods, doing some thinking, but making little headway against the conflicted mess inside her mind.

Her pager went off just then and she glanced at the number. _Great. Time for some shots at the Infirmary._

Cover Girl headed for the Infirmary and saw Lina Chakram, the insect-Misfit, talking to Lifeline and Doc.

"Don't worry, kid, you'll do just fine." Doc said, "Just make sure you get the muscle, that's all."

"Ah, Cover Girl, you're just in time to be the first victim…" Doc said, "I mean patient."

"Great." Cover Girl groaned, as Lina held up the large needle with the latest vaccine.

"Just like we practiced." Lifeline said.

"But dummies don't say 'OW'." Lina protested.

"I won't either." Cover Girl replied. _I hate needles._

Cover Girl rolled up her sleeve and Dragonfly stuck the needle in. She turned away and winced a little as the vaccine was injected. _You can face down COBRAs but you can't stand needles? _

"See you tomorrow, Dragonfly." Lifeline said, after the shot had been administered, "I'll drive you back."

"Don't worry about it, Lifeline." Cover Girl replied, "I'm on my way back anyway."

"Thanks, Cover Girl." Dragonfly replied.

"Don't mention it, kid." Cover Girl replied.

As they walked back to Cover Girl's jeep, parked in the motor pool parking lot, across the road from the Infirmary, Lina asked a question.

"Cover Girl," Lina asked, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, anything." Cover Girl replied as she opened the door of the jeep and stepped inside, and Lina slid into the passenger seat.

"How do you attract a guy?" Lina asked.

Caught slightly off balance, Cover Girl almost dropped her keys before gently turning to face Lina. She smiled slyly at Lina saying, "Is it any guy in particular?"

"N-No, not really." Lina said.

"OK." Cover Girl replied, "Well, there are a lot of ways to attract guys. First of all there's looks…"

"Oh," Lina replied, soberly, "I guess I'm kinda lacking in that department."

"Hey." Cover Girl replied, "You're beautiful the way you are. And besides, looks aren't everything. I knew some models who were so beautiful but were dumb as rocks, had personality problems, or were just plain bitches. Excuse my language."

"I've heard worse." Lina replied, sadly, "Especially from my parents. And living around Shipwreck."

At the mention of Shipwreck, Cover Girl thought. _He's not a bad guy, when he's not acting brash or drunk, which is almost all the time…_

"Well, living around Shipwreck can quickly make a mess of virgin ears." Cover Girl replied, "Anyway, it's not just looks. Guys can fall for personalities too. And you, little lady, have plenty of personality. You have a giving heart, a kind disposition..."

"But I look like a freak." Lina replied.

"We've been over this." Cover Girl replied, "You're not a freak, not in the least."

"I know. It's just that, I'm not the best in the looks department. I mean other girls this guy's been attracted to look normal, even if they haven't exactly treated him right." Lina replied.

"So you think this mystery guy thinks you're a freak? Or that you're unattractive?" Cover Girl replied, making a mental note to talk to the Misfit boys about judging appearances.

"No, at least I don't think so. He's got a big heart, he's a nice guy, but I don't know if he feels the same way about me." Lina replied.

"If he's such a nice guy, and a good friend, you have nothing to fear." Cover Girl replied.

"But if I tell him I like him as more than a friend, I'm afraid I'll lose the friendship." Lina replied.

"Lina, if you two do wind up dating, you will lose the friendship." Cover Girl replied, "You can't go back from dating to friends. And even if he doesn't feel the same way, at least you'll have it off your chest."

"Thanks Cover Girl, I think." Lina replied.

"Remember, you don't need a guy to feel complete." Cover Girl said, as she parked the jeep and the two walked back into the house. _I wonder who the lucky guy is? _Cover Girl thought.

"Taco…" Shipwreck said, as he pointed at Low Light.

"Grande." Shipwreck added as he flexed. Baby Alex cooed softly, and Claudius and Barney clapped their hands.

_He really is one hell of a dad. _Cover Girl thought to herself. _Where the hell did that come from?_

"Shipwreck! I am NOT a taco!" Low Light shouted.

"Taco! Taco!" Claudius clapped his hands and pointed at Low Light.

"Grande!" Shipwreck replied, and flexed.

"DIE!" Low Light shouted.

Cover Girl headed into the kitchen to break up another fight as Lina thought. _Cover Girl is so lucky, she's got two great guys. Shipwreck isn't a bad guy. And if Low Light would only open his eyes, he'd have her in a heartbeat or less..._

* * *

Ted lay awake for a long while after Paige had drifted off into a deep slumber. He watched her sleep, lying on her side, her head and bare shoulders above the covers being illuminated by the street lights and the star and moonlight outside her window. 

He held her closely, with his right arm around her waist while tucking her in, pulling the blanket up to the underside of her chin, and being rewarded with a sleepy smile. He kissed her forehead gently, watching her sleep.

_What are you going to tell her? When are you going to tell her? _Ted thought. _Walking up to a man and simply killing him in the street doesn't just go away._

_**Gaza, 2001: Ted pulled back the slide of the Jericho 941F handgun, checking to see that there was a 9mm cartridge in the chamber. He slowed his breathing underneath the head scarf that obscured all but his eyes. He glanced at Imhotep(**_**_3_****_) also similarly attired in jeans, collared shirt and head scarf, and Avi who was dressed from head to toe in the traditional robes of an Arab woman. Underneath his robes, Avi concealed a 9mm Micro Uzi._**

**_Their target was a slighty potbellied, bearded Palestinian named Abu Rahim, a person responsible for orchestrating numerous anti-Israeli riots, and lately an attack on a kibbutz(_****_4_****_) during a wedding that killed the bride, the father of the bride, the groom's mother, and the bride's grandmother. _**

**_Ted remembered the aftermath of the attack all to well. The Arabs had gone in, disguised as hired help on the kibbutz, with AK-47s hidden in their tool bags. They had cached the weapons away in a hidden area of a tool shed until the wedding. At the opportune moment, when the bride said her vows, they opened fire. _**

_**He remembered the scene at the funeral home. The sobbing survivors, the cold, accusing stares that asked him: 'Where were Israel's soldiers?' **_

**_He remembered staring at one face in one particular coffin. Her short, dark hair had been combed wrong, her hands crossed on her chest. Her eyes were closed, the grey eyes never to twinkle merrily with mirth. She was supposed to get married three days ago, and was to enjoy a honeymoon on the coast near Haifa, but that was now not to be. _**

_**His childhood friend was no more. His unrequited love of many years was no more. And those bastard Palestinians were responsible. The mother of the now deceased bride glanced at him, seeing Ted's eyes burn with pure hatred.**_

'**_This is for you, Caitlyn.' Ted thought to himself as he checked the Jericho one last time, calling his mind back to the present. The grief was but two weeks old, but the hatred burned white hot within. _**

_**Ted stepped out of the vehicle, as he, Avi, and Imhotep melted into the crowd. Abu Rahim was just ahead of them. He was smiling as he picked a small boy up and talked to another Arab standing in front of him.**_

"_**It is good to see you, brother." Abu Rahim said, "And you, Mahmud, my little mustard seed…" **_

**_Abu Rahim put the boy down, as he was about to enter the mosque he noticed three strangers heading his way._**

"**_Salaam Aleyekum(_****_5_****_), Abu Rahim." Ted began, with false sincerity. _**

"_**Way a Salaam." Abu replied.**_

_**At that moment Ted pulled the Jericho 9mm from under his shirt tail, pointed it and squeezed the trigger. At exactly that same moment, Imhotep and Avi drew their weapons. All three Israeli commandoes emptied their weapons, sixty-two rounds in all, into the man, blood spraying from multiple wounds onto his older brother and his nephew. **_

'_**Rot in hell, bastard!' Ted thought as he fired bullet after bullet into Abu Rahim's midsection, torso and head. The Jericho clicked empty and Ted ejected the clip, shoved the empty into his pocket and stuck a second clip inside as five more YAMAS operatives rushed to the scene, controlling the crowd with their CAR-15 rifles, as the three assassins escaped into a waiting van. **_

Ted sat up violently in bed, sweat pouring down his face. He looked around and saw that he was still in Paige's bedroom, and that it was just after one-thirty in the morning.

"Ted?" Paige asked, as she sat up, pulling the blanket across her bare chest, "What's wrong?"

Ted didn't answer; barely registering that Paige was awake until several seconds had passed. "For soldiers fighting the Palestinians in Israel the war is always personal." Ted replied, "There is barely a family who hasn't lost someone, or knows someone who was killed or wounded by the terrorists."

"Even you?" Paige asked. When Ted didn't respond, she added, "Ted, I love you, whatever it is, you can tell me."

_If she knew what you did while fighting in Israel, you'll lose her for sure. _Ted thought.

"Paige," Ted replied, taking one of her hands in both of his own, "I spent much of my childhood in Israel, and we befriended a lot of the people there, when my parents were on archaeological digs in the Holy Land. Some of them died at the hands of Palestinian terrorists."

"I'm so sorry." Paige replied, throwing her arms around him.

"I'm sorry to bring my issues into it." Ted replied.

"Don't be. That's part of what girlfriends are for, helping deal with them." Paige replied, and suspecting there was something more she added, "What happened to you over there?"

"Paige, look," Ted replied, "I'm not ready to tell you everything. But I promise I'll tell you one day…"

"Whenever you're ready." Paige said, with an understanding tone, "But for right now, come back to bed…"

Ted lay back down beside her, and watched Paige as she fell asleep. _Great. Just what is Paige going to think when she hears about a lot of the black ops you pulled for the Shin Bet(__6__)…_Ted thought.

* * *

"Congressman Kenneth Shore (7) will be speaking at the first Mutant Rights Rally in Orlando, Florida next month." General Hawk began. Sitting in his office was General Eddington, flanked by an aid, a dark haired female Air Force captain. 

"I'm aware of that." Eddington replied.

"I request permission to send a detachment of my men to provide security." Hawk replied.

"I'm sorry, Hawk, but that can't be done." Eddington replied.

"Why not, sir?" Hawk asked.

"I'm afraid that Florida law enforcement will have to suffice." Eddington replied.

"Sir, my Misfits are mutants themselves, and their handlers experienced in working with mutants. Who better to provide security for such an obvious target of FOH aggression?" Hawk replied.

"I'm afraid that won't be feasible, Hawk." Eddington replied, "The Pentagon is adamant that the Misfits be kept away from events in Orlando, because we fear that anti-mutant hostility might be incited by their presence."

"I can send a detachment of Joes to provide security." Hawk replied.

"The Pentagon was adamant about no federal troops are to be present in Orlando during Congressman Shore's speech." Eddington replied.

"I'll send an advisory detachment to help the Orlando Police Department with security arrangements." Hawk replied, with a half-smile, "The orders from the Pentagon didn't cover that."

"They didn't." Eddington replied, with a half-smile of his own, "But, my aide, Captain Atkins, will accompany the group you send to Orlando."

Eddington indicated the dark haired officer that had accompanied him to Hawk's office as he spoke. Hawk replied, "Very well."

Eddington and Atkins saw themselves out and Hawk picked up a telephone on his desk, "Flint. As soon as possible, get a detachment ready to travel to Orlando to advice the OPD on the security of Congressman Shore. Be sure it leaves immediately and quietly and include any specialists on police tactics you can find."

Flint replied, "I'll send Law, with Order, and Shockwave down, and I'll get others on the effort as well."

"Come to my office and we'll discuss more of this in an hour." Hawk replied.

"Yes sir." Flint replied.

* * *

TBC: Up next, as the Misfits go after the FOH, the X-men meet the Incredibles. And Psychiatrist Fred puts in a guest appearance when trying to counsel Sands and another surprise guest…Not to mention Elder Gideon and the Elders get annoyed by the Coyotes backed by a chorus line of Shipwreck clones. 

Piper: The surprise guest had better NOT be me, Theodore Hawkwood!

Sands: Yeah, the idea of therapy with you turns my stomach!

1 In Coming of the Foe, Elizabeth Swann, of Pirates of the Caribbean married Will Turner and had a baby son named Alex Weatherby Turner

2 Marian is an ACME case officer in the story Relocated.

3 A nickname for a bald, stocky, tan skinned fellow in Ted's unit, not to be confused with Imhotep from my Charmed/Kingdom Hearts/Mummy crossover fanfic Forever May Not Be Long Enough.

4 A Jewish settlement in the Territories.

5 An Arabic greeting meaning, 'Peace of God unto you.'

6 Israeli Internal Security Service.

7 See Red Witch's 'Hey I'm On TV' fic.


	4. Meeting the Incredibles

Meeting the Incredibles

Disclaimer: Same as before. I don't lay claim to either the Animaniacs Schnitzelbank song or to Buster Poindexter's lyrics.

* * *

"Flint, Lady Jaye, I can't thank you guys enough for volunteering to keep an eye on Klondike while we're in San Francisco." Ted began.

"I'm sure he'll be no trouble." Lady Jaye replied, Klondike licked her face, "See. Everything will be fine."

"Just one word of caution, Sibes are a real active breed." Ted replied.

"I'm sure he won't be a problem." Flint replied.

"Klondike's got a bit of a mischief streak." Ted warned.

"Mountaineer, don't be such a worry wart. You're just a Mass Device away." Flint replied.

"Awk! Good riddance mutt!" Polly cackled.

"Not so fast, bird." Shipwreck said, "You're staying with Flint and Lady Jaye, with the kids."

"Two kids, a bird, and a dog. Dash, how did you get into this?" Jaye asked Flint.

"Let's just say Hawk still is a little miffed over the incident with the convoy." Flint replied.

"I told you to ask for directions." Jaye asked.

"Again, keep an eye on Klondike." Ted began.

"Mountaineer, again, quit being a worry wart." Flint replied.

"I'm just saying, Sibes have a mischief streak somewhere in their DNA." Ted replied, "Seriously, I went to get a sandwich earlier this week, and then I turned around and Klondike was missing."

"You found him with that little GPS receiver on your belt, though." Flint replied.

"Yes, I did. _After_ he spread the contents of Scarlet's personal drawer around the parade ground. I'm lucky she didn't kill me after that." Ted replied.

"How did you talk her out of killing you, by the way?" Jaye asked.

"I didn't. Duke was in the way when Scarlet finally tracked Klondike down." Ted replied.

"The look on Duke's face was priceless." Flint remarked, "Especially when he dropped that negligee at his feet. It was even funnier when Scarlet jumped on him and started beating the daylights out of him."

"Whereupon I collected Klondike and ran." Ted replied.

"No wonder Scarlet was describing tortures in graphic detail and saying 'I hate Mountaineer' and 'I hate Huskies' over and over again." Lady Jaye replied.

"She's joined the club then." Flint replied, "When Beach Head and I were at lunch I saw him drawing up plans to obliterate the Siberian Husky gene pool."

"MOUNTAINEER!" Came a shout.

"Yeah." Ted replied.

Bree came stomping up the path, her normally pleasant features livid. In her right hand were half a dozen uprooted tulips.

"I'm sorry Bree, I'm already seeing someone. And aren't you married already…"

"Mountaineer! Can the humor." Bree replied.

"Bree, calm down." Lady Jaye replied, "What's going on?"

"You're insane pet dug up my tulip bed last night." Bree replied.

"I guess Polly's not the only insane pet on the base." Shipwreck quipped.

"You're not innocent either!" Bree replied, "Your parrot got loose and was flapping around the base then wound up squaking all night."

"He was trying to escape from Mountaineer's monster." Shipwreck snapped, glaring at Ted.

"The pot is calling the kettle black, Shipwreck." Ted countered, "If I'm not mistaken, Klondike interrupted one of Polly's late night booty calls."

"Well, if your dog can manage to do that without trying to eat Polly, then that would be appreciated." Shipwreck replied.

"Well we'd better get to San Francisco with the rest of the team." Ted replied, as he tapped the buttons on his watch.

"Yeah." Shipwreck replied as he tapped his own teleporter. The two disappeared as Flint held onto Claudius and Lady Jaye had Barney.

"Mangy mutt!" Polly cackled.

"Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!" Klondike barked.

"I have wings, and you don't. Nyah!" Polly flapped his wings.

"Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!" Klondike barked. **You've gotta land sometime...**

Klondike promptly chased Polly into the house and the sound of breaking items could be heard, along with Polly's insults and barking and almost immediately Claudius started bawling when Barney stole his stuffed Sammy the Squid toy.

"Tell me how we got talked into this again?" Lady Jaye asked.

"Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!" Klondike wooed.

* * *

"Ist das nicht ein fish and bread!" Mischief sang.

"Ja das nicht ein fish and bread!" A chorus line of Shipwreck clones sang out.

"Will it hurt Gideon's head?" Guile sang.

"Ja it will hurt Gideon's head!" The Shipwreck clones sang as they whacked Gideon over the head with frozen fish and hard French bread.

"Ist das nicht ein pair of pants?" Trickery sang.

"Ja das nicht ein pair of pants!" The Shipwrecks sang and yanked Gideon's pants down.

"Is this underwear from France?" Mischief sang.

"Ja das underwear from France!" The Shipwrecks sang.

"Pair of pants. Shorts from France. Oh du schone. Oh du schone. Oh du schone. Schnitzelbank!" The Shipwrecks and Coyotes sang and started dancing with the Elders and each other.

"Time to change the beat!" Mischief shouted, wearing a black Hawaiian shirt that contrasted with his silver fur, "Let's rock to the songs of the Carribean..."

"Do lets." Guile began, wearing a wig of black dreadlocks and other Rastafarian attire.

"Of course." Trickery replied.

"Ole ole, ole ole, ole ole, ole ole, ole ole...Hot hot hot!" The Coyotes sang.

As soon as they sang, 'hot hot hot' several Shipwreck clones with flamethrowers ran around setting fire to the rear end of any nearby Whitelighter Elders.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Gideon shouted, as he vainly fanned at the flames on his rear end.

"Me mind on fire – Me soul on fire – Feeling hot hot hot!" The Coyotes sang.

The Shipwreck clones proceeded to fling Molotov cocktails among the Elders as the Coyotes sang some more. Gideon jumped into what looked like a large urn full of water, but the Shipwrecks had replaced it with 40 proof alcohol.

Gideon was launched into the air by the subsequent explosive combustion of many gallons worth of 40 proof as the Shipwreck clones and Coyotes laughed.

"Party people – all around me feeling hot hot hot..." The Coyotes continued to sing.

"Oh no..." Natalie squeaked as a Shipwreck clone sprayed her in the behind with a flamethrower.

"HELP! Water! Water!" Natalie shrieked.

"Outta my way! Outta my way!" Gideon yelped as he shoved her out of the way, eager to get into anything containing water.

"What to do - On a night like this. Music sweet - I can't resist. We need a party song - A fundamental jam." The Coyotes kept singing.

"Ah, sweet relief." Gideon began as several swans swam towards him when he jumped into a pond.

"So we go rum bum bum bum..." The Coyotes sang.

"Uh, Gideon..." Natalie began as the swans swam towards them.

"What?" Gideon snapped, peevishly, "Oh dear..."

Standing on the shoreline were several Shipwreck clones with detonators in their hands. Three explosions sounded in company with each 'bum' the Coyotes sang out.

"Oh no..." Gideon groaned.

"Yeah we rum bum bum bum." The Coyotes sang. As they sang the Shipwreck clones threw several anti-tank grenades into the water around Natalie and Gideon.

"At least this can't get any worse." Natalie began as she and Gideon climbed out of the lake.

"Don't be so sure." Nigel replied, calmly smoking a cigar.

"Feeling hot hot hot – Feeling hot hot hot – Oh Lord!" The Coyotes sang out.

"Hot! Hot! HOT!" Gideon shouted as a dozen Shipwreck clones chased him around the lake shore, driving an ATV with two flamethrowers attached to it.

"That's the spirit mon!" The Shipwreck clones said, in faux Jamaican accents.

"Me la la la bum bum!" The Coyotes sang again.

As Natalie reached for a towel two Walking Cherry Bombs came around the corner and promptly exploded.

"See people rocking – Hear people chanting – Feeling hot hot hot!" The Coyotes sang.

Gideon opened a door, just as the Shipwrecks succeeded in splashing him with gasoline, he ducked inside and bolted the door shut.

"Boy it's hot in here." Gideon remarked as he turned around and saw a roaring fire behind him.

"Oh no..." Gideon groaned.

"Keep up this spirit – Come on let's do it – Feeling hot hot hot!" The Coyotes sang out like maniacs.

"YEOW! FIRE! OW! HOT BUNS! HOT BUNS!" Gideon screamed as he ran out of the locked room cloaked in flames.

"It's in the air – Celebration time. Music sweet – Captivate your mind. We have this party song – This fundamental jam." The Coyotes continued to sing.

Gideon rolled on the ground and finally extinguished the flames as the Coyotes sang the next verse, "So we go rum bum bum bum..."

Gideon noticed that he had just rolled around on several trails of gunpowder. He ran like a maniac and dived behind a wall. It was then he noticed the trail of gunpowder went straight behind him. He vainly tried to blow it out, but it went straight to the several dozen jars of gunpowder right behind him.

"Yeah we rum bum bum bum." The Coyotes sang.

"HELP!" Natalie shouted as she fled from the Shipwreck clones that were chasing her with an ATV covered with bottle rockets.

"Oh no..." A singed Gideon began, knowing what was coming next.

"Feeling hot hot hot – Feeling hot hot hot – OH Lord!" The Coyotes sang.

"Oh Lord! HOT HOT HOT!" Gideon screamed as he was covered in liquid magma fired from a large tubular device crewed by three Shipwreck clones.

"Ha ha!" The Coyotes sang as the began a Conga line around the Whitelighter area with several Shipwreck clones and a few Whitelighters, "Ole ole, ole ole, ole ole, ole ole."

"EE-yes girls!" The Coyotes continued to sing.

"People in the party." The Coyotes sang, "Hot hot hot!"

"AUGH! FIRE! HOT! HOT! HOT!" Gideon shouted as he fanned more flames on his cloak out several Shipwreck clones were spraying him with gasoline and throwing Molotov cocktails at him.

"People in the party." The Coyotes continued to sing, "Hot hot hot!"

"OH MOTHER!" Elder Gideon screamed as he jumped towards a fountain, only to discover the Coyotes had filled it full of napalm before he jumped in.

"They come to the party. Know what they got. They come to the party. Know what they got." The Coyotes sang.

"AARRRGGHHH!" Elder Gideon screamed as he ran around on fire.

* * *

"Ole ole, ole ole, ole ole, ole ole…hot hot hot!" the radio blared.

"Paige, can you please change the radio station?" Phoebe grumbled as she went downstairs.

"What's wrong with Buster Poindexter?" Paige began, "Besides I like this song."

"I normally don't mind it, but after the Coyotes were singing it non-stop in my dream last night and dressed like Rastafarians, I can't get it out of my head." Phoebe replied.

Leo orbed downstairs just then as Piper was taking some French toast off of the stove. "Honey, why are you covered in soot?" Piper asked.

"Coyotes." Leo said, "Insane coyotes."

"Me mind on fire – Me soul on fire – Feeling hot hot hot!" the radio blared.

"Please change the station, Paige." Leo said.

"Don't tell me…" Phoebe groaned.

"The Coyotes had a 'concert' with the Elders last night." Leo replied, "In company with Shipwreck clones with flame throwers."

"Shipwreck clones? What idiot would want to make clones of Shipwreck?" Piper asked.

"Some idiot named Mojo." Logan replied.

"Wolverine, what the hell are you doing in my house?" Piper demanded.

"Sorry Freezerburn, we're here on business." Logan replied, "And your front door was unlocked, by the way."

"In my HOUSE?" Piper demanded, almost going into full bitch mode.

"Shipwreck clones were the direct result of Another Week of Random Madness." Logan replied, "This guy named Mojo."

The other X-men were standing in the kitchen, "Basically he's like your average teenager or fanfiction writer, but the boss of his own dimension, called the Media Dimension." Jean began, "We spent some time as prisoners over there while he filmed us for all kinds of insane reality TV type shows."

"Long story short, he had a cloning machine and we had miniature clones of ourselves created. Shipwreck made a God knows how many clones of himself with Mojo's machine, and even when we escaped the Media Dimension we still had our run-ins with Mojo." Kurt began.

"First there was an Avalanche of Avalanches, and then there was an Attack of the Shipwreck Clones." Kitty replied.

"Let's not forget Get Your Mojo On." Kurt replied.

"Hey at least they were attacking our enemies, and not us." Rogue replied.

"So let me get this straight. The Shipwreck clones are on the loose again?" Piper replied.

"As far as I know the Elders are still trying to get them under control." Leo replied.

"Meaning Pretty Boy here's gonna be busy." Logan replied.

"Listen you…" Piper remarked, "I'm through with you insulting me and my husband every chance you get."

"Maybe you could try to be a bit more thick skinned. Things are gonna get worse before they get better." Logan replied.

"And you know this how?" Piper snapped back.

"Instinct, Freezerburn, just plain instinct." Logan replied.

"Which brings us to the million dollar question." Paige turned to Logan, "Why are you here, if you're not trying to pick a fight with Piper?"

"It has something to do with some red costumed vigilantes." Logan replied.

"Look in the mirror." Piper snapped back.

"And you aren't 'vigilantes' yourselves." X-23 interjected, standing up for her father.

"Yeah, I've never heard of Law and Order: Witch Squad before." Rogue interjected.

"Hey, watch it." Phoebe remarked.

"We had nothing to do with any red costumed vigilantes!" Piper snapped.

"Miss Halliwell they were seen at the restaurant where you worked several years ago," Xavier remarked, "We wanted to follow the lead."

"Look, I recommended the restaurant to our new neighbors, the Parrs and then this whack job Zartan shows up!" Piper snapped.

"Thank you for the lead, Miss Halliwell." Xavier said, as the X-men left the premises.

"What was that all about?" Paige asked.

"Hell if I know." Phoebe began as she picked up the Bay Mirror and then a premonition hit.

_A family in red suits. Black masks. About to enter a house somewhere on the other side of town. They were in pursuit of someone..._

"Phoebe? What is it?" Paige asked.

Phoebe pointed at the headline, which read: Vigilantes Strike Friends of Humanity Again…

* * *

"Alright," Roadblock began, "Does everyone know their positions."

At the chorus of affirmatives from everyone in the group, Roadblock said, "Any thoughts?"

"Why daylight?" Shipwreck replied, "Wouldn't night be stealthier."

"Shipwreck, half the YAMAS snatches and 'other ops' we pulled were in broad daylight. We want to show the FOH they're not safe anywhere." Ted replied.

"Xi, Toad, Wavedancer, you're with Mountaineer. You're handling the upstairs." Roadblock began.

"Blob, Quicksilver, take out the back entrance with Shipwreck. As soon as everyone's in position, hit that place like you're the Juggernaut." Roadblock began, "Quicksilver I want you carrying out the actual snatch. As soon as we've snagged Hamilton, run him into the getaway vehicle where Cover Girl, Scarlet Witch and I will wait. Low Light, you and Spirit form the blocking cordon. Avalanche, myself and the Blind Master will go through the front door." Roadblock began.

Kyle Hamilton, a thirty-two year old agitator for the Friends of Humanity stepped out of his shower just then. Some assholes in red suits and masks were attacking some of the teams in the Bay Area, his numbers for mutants killed or beaten were lower and the Boss was on his ass about it. He threw on his boxers and his jeans and grumbled to himself. The guys were meeting in here to discuss what was going on out there.

Mountaineer made sure that the rope was anchored well to the chimney of the house, and that it was attached firmly to his rappelling harness. He checked the chamber on his trusty Jericho 941F, seeing that there was in fact a 9mm round inside it. He sat in a solid brake position as Xi attached the breaching charges to the frames of the window.

Xi gave Mountaineer a thumbs up. Mountaineer nodded as Xi crawled back onto the roof and twisted the small detonator in his hands, blowing the window frame out. Mountaineer promptly rappelled down the roof and into the shattered window.

Downstairs he heard the back door cave in as Blob smashed through it and at the same time the front door caved in, as Roadblock smashed his way into the front door after the breaching charge went off.

An FOH thug with a MAC-10 in his hands stepped out of a nearby room. Mountaineer already had the Jericho out and then he squeezed the trigger four times, carving a tight pattern of 9mm rounds onto the thug's chest and throat.

Xi and Toad smashed inside as well, and as soon as another door opened, Xi kicked over a second FOH thug and knocked him out before turning him on his stomach and binding his hands with flexi-cuffs. Xi threw a stun grenade into the room before checking it out.

As soon as Blob smashed into the back door, a trio of surprised thugs stared open mouthed but quickly recovered from their shock. One of them went for a sawed off shotgun on the table only to be hit twice by .50 caliber slugs from Shipwreck's Desert Eagles.

"Freeze! Get down!" Shipwreck commanded. Both FOH thugs raised their hands. Bart and C.J. raised their hands as they stared down the barrels of a Desert Eagle pointed at each of their chests, imagining how much damage a weapon like that could do. Quicksilver quickly knocked each man down and handcuffed him. Roadblock's team already finished sweeping the front of the house and was now joining Mountaineer's team upstairs.

Kyle Hamilton opened the bathroom door. He just saw Mick take several 9mm rounds from a fellow wearing polarized blue sunglasses carrying a handgun. "Freeze!" Ted commanded.

Hamilton turned to run but just then a mutie jumped into his path. It was a green scaled abomination with golden, lion like mane, and green scales. A humanoid frog freak blocked the stairs and there was nothing but a wall.

Hamilton raised his hands just as a whirlwind flew upstairs. Before he quite knew it, he and several of his guys were being blindfolded and being stuck inside a large black van with tinted windows. The rest of the Misfits gathered evidence and then swiftly hopped into the van and other waiting civilian vehicles.

* * *

"Hello again, Paige." Xavier said, as he wheeled into South Bay Social Services, with Logan standing over him, "Is Mr. Parr at work?"

"Bob called in sick today." Paige replied, "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"No, never mind." Xavier replied.

As soon as Xavier and Logan showed themselves out, Paige took her cell phone up and dialed Ted's number. She swore silently to herself as she got his voicemail.

"Ted, please pick up as soon as you can. Xavier came by here looking for one of my coworkers. I know you probably can't talk about it, but what is going on?" Paige asked, "Please call me later."

* * *

"No question about it." Cyclops replied, as he walked among the crushed glass upstairs, "The Misfits were here."

Doors were smashed in on the front and rear of the house as well as the upstairs window. The scene looked like almost anyone had killed the FOH thugs, after all it was in a bad part of town where street crime was common and it was known that Hamilton had recently pissed off the Chinese Triads.

Two thugs, both of them with weapons in hand, had been shot, trying to resist. The others had been dragged off, most likely by the Misfits. The evidence that the Triads didn't kill the thugs or raid the house were evident to the X-men, however.

Wolverine and X-23 had used their sense of smell, determining that the Misfits had been through the house. X-23 sniffed the air and said, "No question, Toad was up here. And so was Shipwreck."

"I don't envy your sense of smell." Storm quipped at the last remark.

"And I smell trouble." Wolverine remarked, as he extended his claws. Cyclops reached for his visor.

"Come out, wherever you are. We can smell you." Wolverine said. He snatched at the air, grabbing onto some kind of material, similar to that of the suits that the X-men wore. He extended his claws, "Come out…"

"Threaten my kid one more time, dwarf, and I'll put you through the side of this house and every other one in this development." The voice of the newcomer came

The newcomer was big, maybe an inch or two shorter than Blob, but more muscle than fat with a slight pot belly. He wore a red suit with an 'I' on the chest and a black mask.

"Who are you, Bub." Logan replied, releasing the invisible one's neck. A kid slightly younger than X-23 materialized from the air, coughing.

"Your worse nightmare." Bob threatened.

"Bring it on." Logan replied, extending his other set of claws.

A pair of hands stretched, and literally stretched, a hand on the chest of each man. "Whoa! If they intended to hurt her, they'd have done so already."

A woman in her late thirties with short brown hair, wearing an identical uniform to the kid and the man said, "Look, I think we're after the same thing here."

"Logan, this is who we were looking for." Xavier said, as he wheeled into the house, with Colossus pushing his chair, "Mr. Parr, allow me to introduce myself, I am Charles Xavier…"

"Who are you? And how do you know my name." Bob demanded.

"I run a school for the gifted." Xavier replied, "And I know of you because of my gift, telepathy."

"You see, Bob." Helen began, "We're on the same side."

"And what's his power?" Bob asked, indicating Wolverine, "His oh so charming personality."

"Look in the mirror, bub." Wolverine replied.

"Threaten my kid again and you will be known as Stub, because the ends of your wrists will be bleeding stumps…" Mr. Incredible began with an icy tone.

"I've been waiting for a challenge, Bub, you'll do…"

"Logan." Xavier said, "Perhaps we can talk somewhere more comfortable, Mr. Parr."

"We'll be there." Helen replied.

"Meet us at your house." Xavier began, "We can talk there."

As the exchange was going on, a pickup truck labeled San Francisco County Surveyors was parked some distance away.

At the wheel was a Japanese man with a grown in shaved head and a mustache glanced at a tanned, almond eyed Australian man. "This isn't good. The Incredibles have made contact with the locals of this world, and have been exposed." Jan Shimoda said.

"This isn't good." Bluey Truscott, the Australian, replied, "We'll have to call HQ, for the Incredibles have just compromised themselves."

Jan Shimoda drove the pickup truck away from the scene, without being noticed…

* * *

TBC 


	5. Revelations and Interrogations

Revelations and Interrogations

Disclaimer: Same as before…I also don't own Where On Earth is Carmen Sandiego.

* * *

"Talk about a long day." Flint groaned, as he sat down in the easy chair in the living room after he'd put Claudius and Barney to sleep.

Lady Jaye said, "I finally got Klondike wound down."

She pointed at the sleeping Siberian Husky, in his trademark Siberian swirl, sleeping on the floor with his bushy tail covering his nose.

"This has been a long day." Flint replied, "Remind me to fillet Shipwreck and Mountaineer when they're finally finished with this operation."

"It hasn't been that bad." Lady Jaye commented.

"Yes it has." Flint replied, "First we've got two growing and hyperactive mutant toddlers on our hands going through their terrible twos."

"Hey, you're complaining about the babies. It's a cakewalk compared to a hyperactive Siberian Husky. He just about tore the laundry room to shreds…" Lady Jaye snapped.

"You shouldn't have locked him in there." Flint observed.

"OK, who are you now, the Dog Whisperer?" Lady Jaye snapped.

"Look, we have other problems other than hyperactive mutant toddlers and a fuel injected Siberian Husky…" Flint replied.

"Such as?" Lady Jaye replied.

"Yo ho! Yo ho! A pirate's life for me!" The song of the Pirates echoed up and down the Pit.

"Drunken pirates…" Lady Jaye sighed.

"RUN AWAY!" Cross Country screamed.

"AUGH! THEY'VE GOT A TANK! THEY'VE GOT A TANK!" Clutch shouted.

"CALL THE ARMY!" Cross Country yelped.

"WE ARE THE ARMY NINCOMPOOP!" Dusty shouted, "RUN! RUN! RUN!"

"Drunken pirates with a tank." Flint countermanded.

"Do you think we should go out there and help?" Lady Jaye asked.

"Allie, they're probably far away. We've got the kids to sleep, we've got Klondike to sleep, finally, and we can just try and enjoy a nice peaceful evening at home." Flint replied.

"We pillage and plunder, and rifle and loot. Drink up me hearties yo ho! We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot. Drink up me hearties yo ho!" The Pirates all sang as they drove the tank while severely tanked.

"AWWOOOO!" Klondike sat up and howled loudly at the ceiling.

"Now do you want to get involved?" Lady Jaye asked.

"Klondike! Down boy! Stay! Shut up!" Flint shouted.

"AAAAWWWOOOO!" Klondike howled again.

BOOM!

"There goes another Jeep, Flint." Lady Jaye said, throwing on her combat boots, making a very humorous contrast with her pink silk pajamas and robe, "Are you _sure_ you don't want to go out there?"

"Look, as long as they don't go anywhere near our property I'll be fine!" Flint replied, "Right now we need to calm Klondike down before…"

"WAAAAGGGHHHH!" Claudius and Barney wailed.

"They wake the babies." Lady Jaye replied, "Too late. Something tells me that we ought to stop that tank before those lunatic pirates cause any more damage…"

BOOM!

"DIE PIRATES! DIE!" Beach Head shouted, as he ran down the street in his pajamas with fuzzy brown bear slippers and carrying a rocket launcher.

"Yo ho! Yo ho! A Pirate's life for me!" The Pirates sang as one of them accidentally activated the main gun, launching a high explosive round downrange that exploded just short of Hawk's office.

"Flint, I think we should get out there!" Lady Jaye replied.

"Soldier, we are not going anywhere near that chaos!" Flint replied.

"Don't try the pulling rank on me, it never works." Lady Jaye replied.

RRUMBLE. CRASH!

"There goes another jeep!" Clutch groaned, "Cover Girl's gonna kill us when she gets back!"

"We extort, we pilfer, we filch and sack. Drink up me 'earties, Yo Ho! Maraud and embezzle and even hijack. Drink up me 'earties, Yo Ho!" The Pirates all sang.

Flint's back was to the window as he spoke, "Allison, we are going nowhere near the rabble outside."

"Dash…" Jaye replied.

"Yo ho! Yo ho! A Pirate's Life for me!" The Pirates all sang out as the tank neared the window.

"Allison, as I was saying…" Flint continued.

"We kindle and char and in flame and ignite. Drink up me 'earties, yo ho. We burn up the city, we're really a fright. Drink up me 'earties, yo ho." The Pirates all sang as the tank neared the area. Jack Sparrow stood in the turret waving a bottle of rum in one hand.

A severely sloshed looking Mr. Gibbs was lying atop the front end of the tank, while Mr. Cotton, with his ever present parrot onto his right shoulder was in the driver's seat and the bald midget was clinging to the main gun for dear life. The tank was now rolling over their front lawn.

"Dash…" Lady Jaye said just a bit more urgently.

"Allison, unless the tank is going to crash into our house, we're going nowhere near it!" Flint replied.

"DASH! THE TANK IS ROLLING ACROSS THE LAWN!" Lady Jaye shouted.

"Wha…" Flint replied, turning around just as the tank crushed the mailbox.

"That's what I was trying to tell you!" Jaye replied.

"Yo ho! Yo ho! A Pirate's life for me!" The Pirates all sang out, waving rum bottles and cutlasses and discharging the occasional pistol into the air as the tank crashed through the front of the house, narrowly missing Lady Jaye and Flint as Klondike began wooing wildly with the occasional wolf-like howl interspersed in.

"We're rascals and scoundrels, we're villians and knaves. Drink up me 'earties, yo ho. We're devils and black sheep, we're really bad eggs. Drink up me 'earties, yo ho." The Pirates sang as the tank treads crushed carpet, bookshelf, and everything else that got underneath.

"Yo ho! Yo ho! A Pirate's life for me!" The Pirates sang as they fired off an occasional round from the tank.

Meanwhile Klondike was spreading the contents of Lady Jaye's personal drawer all over the front lawn.

"What the - ?" Lady Jaye began, "Get back here you crazy mutt! Come back here with my bra!"

Klondike ran down the street carrying a very sexy black bra in his mouth with a very mischievous look on his face. This was the most fun he'd had all day, the keep away game, after the Crazy Humans and their big green growling machine smashed through the house.

"DIE! PIRATES! DIE!" Flint shouted as he chased the tank with a rocket launcher.

"NOT IF I KILL THEM FIRST!" Beach Head screamed, "DIE! DIE!"

"COME BACK HERE YOU LINGERE STEALING MONGREL!" Lady Jaye shouted as she chased the running Siberian Husky.

"We're beggars and blighters and ne'er do-well cads, Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.  
Aye, but we're loved by our mommies and dads, Drink up me 'earties, yo ho." The Pirates sang.

"BUT YOU'RE NOT LOVED BY US! DIE! DIE! DIE!" Beach Head and Flint shouted, firing rockets occasionally at the tank.

"Yo ho! Yo ho! A Pirate's life for me!" Jack sang as a rocket exploded by his head.

* * *

CRACK! The sound of the bat hitting the ball filled the air together with the cheers of thousands of San Francisco Giants fans. Aron Munro watched as the ball flew through the air, almost to the fence, a perfect double. Start of the ninth inning, San Francisco tied with San Diego five to five.

"Marcus," Jana Riley said, "I can't imagine why you chose to wear a rugby shirt of all things to this game."

"Well, sweetheart, there's no possible way I could offend anyone." Aron replied. _Nice going, wanker. You were planning on telling her that you're real name is Aron Munro a month ago. Now telling her you're an ACME Clandestine Services Officer is something else entirely._

"By wearing a green rugby jersey." The tall, slender redhead replied.

"First of all, darling," the South African replied, "this isn't any 'green rugby jersey' this is the color of the finest team in the world of rugby union, the South African Springboks."

Jana laughed loudly, "I thought you were South African, not Swiss. And besides," she replied, kissing his neck, "You are dating a confirmed Giants fan. And that jersey looks very green to me."

"But the little twenty-dollar Springbok and the embroidered 'South Africa' are what distinguish it as the garb of the Gods of Rugby." Aron quipped.

"And you claim neutrality?" Jana replied.

"With regards to baseball, yes." Aron replied.

"Well consider yourself no longer neutral!" Jana replied, excitedly. San Francisco had a runner on first and third, two outs as Jana took her San Francisco Giants baseball cap from her head and slapped it atop Aron's.

CRACK! Another hit, this one deep into left field, one run batted in for the rookie on home plate. The crowd went wild and Jana gave a loud whoop.

Aron smiled, wanly, as he watched her give in to the ecstasy that her favorite team was winning. "Beats cricket any day, huh?" Jana asked.

"I never was a cricket fan." Aron replied, just as a vibration in the pocket of his jeans could be felt. He reached inside and looked at his mobile phone. _Damn._

"I'll be right back, honey." Aron said, "I've got to go use the bog."

As soon as Aron was in the concourse he flicked his phone open, "Truscott, this had better be fucking good…" he growled.

"Let's say compromised doesn't begin to cover it." The Australian operative on the other side of the phone replied, "Phones all over ACME have been ringing over this. Meet at the safe house ASAP."

"Right, I'll be there." Aron replied and hanged up his phone.

A cheer went up from the stands. San Francisco just got a second runner home, now leading the Padres by two runs with a runner on second and two outs as Aron took his seat next to Jana.

The game ended with San Francisco scoring seven runs and the Padres five. Jana leaped into Aron's arms, her own arms around his neck as they kissed.

"I'm seeing a whole new side of you tonight." Aron thought, "And I'm liking what I see…"

"Hmm," Jana sighed, "But there's a catch…"

"Yeah, Bluey just called. He got a flat on the highway earlier and he doesn't have a spare." Aron replied.

"Why is that surveying work keeps entering your life after working hours?" Jana asked.

"Maybe it's a symptom of 21st Century society, where the work day never ends. It sounds like a human interest story." Aron replied.

"I'm a photographer, not a reporter." Jana replied, "And you're a surveyor, not a towing service."

"I'm a man of many talents." Aron replied. _Namely the assembly, disassembly, and operation of several kinds of firearms to be found on the modern battlefield; dry and wet demolition; covert intelligence gathering…_

As soon as they stopped outside Jana's apartment, Aron exchanged a quick kiss with Jana and said, "I'll be back soon."

_I gotta tell her soon, I'm running out of excuses and things may just have gone to hell right now._ Aron thought. _Perfect. Procrastinate and pay the price…_

* * *

"_Paige? What are you doing here?" Ted asked._

_Paige had a very sad look on her face, "Why? Why didn't you tell me?"_

"_Tell you, tell you what, honey…" Ted replied, very concerned, reaching a hand to her face to wipe away a tear._

"_Don't touch me!" Paige said, "How could I have let you into my life?"_

"_Paige, I don't understand." Ted replied._

"_Maybe this will refresh your memory!" Paige replied, in a mix of anger and shock, waving a hand in front of her. _

_Beit Lehem, April 2002: Ted checked the CAR-15's chamber as the unmarked and battered Fiat sedan cruised down the highway towards the town of Beit Lehem. The target was in a vehicle, moving. Over 200 Palestinian gunmen had barricaded themselves into the Church of the Nativity in the town. Hasan Al-Nasari, a known agitator whose village was near Beit Lehem. _

_The Fiat pulled alongside the vehicle on the narrow roadside, coming up along the driver's side. Ted checked the safety on the shortened CAR-15 as they pulled alongside the vehicle and turned to face the car as Avi lowered the passenger side windows and opened the sun roof. Ted flicked the safety off the CAR-15 as he aimed it at the driver of the vehicle and squeezed the trigger, sending a three round burst of ammunition into the driver's side window. Almost simultaneously two other YAMAS operatives fired CAR-15s and Uzis into the vehicle. The Palestinian automobile fishtailed and veered wildly into the nearest ditch, the hood smashing against a short stone wall._

_Avi stopped the car, sitting at the driver's seat with the engine running as Ted and his group jumped from the vehicle with weapons at the ready. A severely dazed Palestinian staggered from the smoking wreck. Samad blazed away with most of the magazine of his IMI 9mm Micro-Uzi, and the terrorist fell dead with over seventeen bullets having punctured his body. _

_The Shin Bet had been clear with orders. No prisoners were to be taken from this operation. Grimly the YAMAS team set at its work, firing bursts of automatic fire through the windows of the car, into the occupants to determine that they were dead. _

_Ted opened the driver's side door and the body of Nasari's driver fell out, with Samad covering him, Ted searched the corpse for documents, stuffing them down the waistband of his jeans. A moan issued from the passenger seat, as Al-Nasari breathed feebly. Ted shouldered his weapon, took aim and squeezed the trigger._

_Samad threw a hand grenade underneath the vehicle, an incendiary grenade intended to set the vehicle alight by igniting the fuel tank. The odor of burned meat melted into the early evening in the Holy Land. As soon as the mission had been accomplished, the YAMAS team jumped back into their vehicle and left the scene._

Ted sat up violently, breathing heavily in the darkness of the San Francisco safe house that the Counter-FOH detachment had been billeted in. No chance in hell that he was sleeping right now. He took his cell phone from his pocket, fumbling with the buttons as he dialed in a number he knew by heart.

* * *

Paige groaned as she heard her cell phone buzzing on her bedside table. _Who could be calling at this hour? Work? No, couldn't be. And Elders typically 'jingle' me when it has something to do with the Magic School…_

She could see the screen of the phone in the darkness in the room, and she recognized the contact was Ted. Maybe it was some answers as to why he'd been acting kind of strange for the past week or so.

"Hi, you've reached Paige Matthews, leave your name and number…" the cheery sound of her voicemail picking up could be heard.

"Hello, Ted? Are you still there?" Paige asked.

"Yeah," Ted's reply could be heard. He sounded tired as though he just woke up about five minutes ago, "I'm still there."

"What's up?" Paige asked, concern creeping into her voice.

"Nothing." Ted replied.

_Uh-huh? The classic 'Nothing's wrong, but there is something wrong, and that's why you called me at one o'clock in he morning' thought. _Paige thought.

"Uh-huh? Listen, Ted, as much as I love you calling, one in the morning is pushing it…" Paige began.

"I just wanted to talk to someone." Ted replied, "I really miss you."

"Ted," Paige replied, "I seriously doubt you called me early in the morning because you miss the mellifluous sound of my voice."

"How well do you think you know me?" Ted asked.

"Let's see." Paige replied, she thought. _This sounds like the script we use to tell unsuspecting mortal boyfriends about our powers, yet why is Ted using it. He's not a demon…I mean G.I. Joe doesn't work with demons…_

"Well," Paige continued, "I know you graduated from a university in Great Britain. You grew up in British Colombia, Canada, but spent summers in Israel since you were nine years old, however you spent your high school years in San Francisco. You also like rock climbing, have a soft spot for dogs, especially Siberian Huskies, your favorite beer is Molson Golden and you really like Mountain Dew, and your favorite band is Genesis…"

"That seems just about accurate." Ted replied.

"Is there a shapeshifter roaming around that I don't know about?" Paige asked.

"Not really." Ted replied, "And you know me very well, but there's something else, something I want to tell you about."

"Just what is it? Ted, this had better not be something like you're married, and you have a wife, kids and two more Sibes somewhere in Israel…" Paige replied.

"Paige, it's nothing of the sort." Ted replied, "It's just something else, nothing to do with fidelity or anything to do with me loving you. It's just something from the past, something I really need to get off my chest. Something from the past."

"Ted, are you talking to me as a social worker, or as a girlfriend?" Paige asked.

"Paige, I'm talking to you as a girlfriend who has a knack for being really understanding towards me." Ted replied, "It's something to do with my time in Israel."

"Ted, why can't you be specific?" Paige replied.

"I would rather do this in person, but I'm on assignment right now and can't say where." Ted replied.

"OK, Ted, I just want to say, I'm not judging you in any way and I still love you." Paige replied.

"Paige, I'll talk to you soon. I love you." Ted replied, as he hung up.

* * *

_Lance remembered the night all to well. The soft feeling of the silks of her dress, the softness of the skin on her pale hand, what it felt like to move one of those two strands of hair that always framed her narrow face. He remembered that kiss they stole behind the wrecked gym after the Sadie Hawkins dance and the demons that trashed the place._

_He remembered pressing his lips to hers, feeling their tongues tie together, the soft feeling of her skin, the warmth of her touch. He remembered that night, the night where for one moment things such as their teams' rivalry, the ominous future weren't hanging over them. He remembered that it was in the now that he lived._

_He remembered her saying, "You're not going to forget this night, are you?" Kitty asked._

"_I won't forget this if I live to be two hundred." Lance replied, again gently moving the lock away as Kitty tilted her face towards his and they neared each other. He closed his eyes as he gently kissed her tenderly…_

"_I'll remember this moment forever." Lance said as they parted for want of air. _

"_**Yes Lance, remember this moment forever. For there won't be anymore like it…" a dark voice said.**_

**_Lance saw Kitty, suspended in midair, held there by invisible forces. Blood dripped from the corner of her mouth, melding with the tears and sweat leaking down her face. Her uniform was torn in several places, exposing skin and wounds, blood mixing with the fabric. She wasn't dead. She wasn't unconscious either. She was alive. Her face was bruised as well. One eye was swollen shut; the other contained enough pain for a dozen._**

"_**Lance…" Kitty said, weakly.**_

**_Surrounding Kitty were three men with full length black robes, their hands outstretched before them, strange energy pulsing into Kitty…_**

"_**Lance…Help me…" Kitty groaned.**_

"_**You can't save her Lance." Said the voice, "You're nothing but a hood…" **_

"_**No!" Lance screamed, as he clutched a mysterious looking key-sword in his hands, charging towards the men, just as they launched a burst of killing energy into Kitty.**_

"_**BASTARDS!" Lance screamed, swinging the Keyblade, decapitating the first robed man, then the second, and the third. **_

_**Gasping from the effort and the grief, Lance raced over to Kitty, holding her limp body in his arms, feeling acid dread well up inside him. "No, please, don't leave me…I'm lost without you…Kitty…please hold on…"**_

_**As the wind shifted, the hood on one of the beheaded corpses shifted aside. Lance gasped in horror as he saw the face of the dead man was none other than his own…**_

Lance sat up violently in bed. No way in hell was he going to try and go back to sleep. _Who were those people? What was with that voice? Who was that voice? _Lance thought.

He wanted to talk to someone, but he didn't want to wake Spirit or anyone else. He headed outside of the safe house, on a hill in a development that overlooked the Golden Gate Bridge. Ted sat outside, staring out at the Bay at night, the lights of the San Francisco skyline.

"Mountaineer," Lance began, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot kid." Ted replied.

"What's it like to kill another person?" Lance asked.

"Kid, with luck your first kill will happen in a hurry. You don't have time to think up there. You see a man with a weapon, you shoulder the rifle, you pull the pin on the grenade and you waste him. It's afterward where you remember all that." Ted replied, "It's all tuned into you by training. By the time you realized you've wasted the guy, the action is over and you're alive and well at your encampment."

"What's the other way?" Lance asked.

"Your superiors could order you to walk up to a man in the street, he may be responsible for God knows what, and your orders are simple. Walk straight up to the guy and pepper him full of holes." Ted replied.

"Is that why you're up early?" Lance asked.

"You could say that." Ted replied, "Is that why you're up?"

"I don't know. It's these dreams I have. I keep getting these dreams about Kitty and they start out good, but then I see her being hurt, being tortured, dying…" Lance began.

"Dreams are just that, dreams." Ted replied, "You're afraid Kitty's gonna get hurt and something bad is going to happen. I understand, believe me."

* * *

The man stood over the dead body, one blasted with holes. He was a tall man by the standards of his country, 5'9" to 5'10", no record but bigger than most Mexicans. His black hair extended down to his neck. A short double barreled shotgun was clutched in his right hand, a MAC-10 sub machinegun slung around his shoulder.

"I know remnants of the Barillo Cartel want me dead, but demons sent my way are another matter." El Mariachi said.

"Who cares," Lorenzo, a man with shorter hair and a goatee and a slightly lighter complexion than Mariachi, replied, "We wasted his ass anyway."

Lorenzo blew out the barrel of his Colt .45 caliber pistol with a telescopic sight.

"We also used a shitload of ammo." Fideo replied. He was about as tanned as Lorenzo, with curly long hair about as long as the Mariachi's. A Colt Python revolver was clutched in right hand.

The corpse was a man, or at least it once had been. Sticking prominently out of the forehead were two black antennae. One of the eyes was brown, the other was a pale yellow orb and half his face was covered with ebony black skin. Claws, black and twisted, were now where hands had once been. Clothing was tattered, exposing more black skin, mixed in with the man's normal flesh.

"What is that thing?" Fideo asked.

"Who cares? We can kill it…" Lorenzo replied.

"With four shotgun rounds, a dozen magnum rounds, at least fourteen .45 caliber bullets and who knows how many 9mm rounds." Fideo protested.

"We had better discover where the hell these things come from, as well as what they are." El Mariachi replied, "Preferably before our supply of bullets run out."

"Or our supply of tequila." Fideo replied, taking a hit and handing it to the other two, who refused.

"Barillo is dead, El." Lorenzo replied, "He couldn't have sent that creature."

"It is a creature, Lorenzo?" El Mariachi replied, "Don't forget it was once a man."

"Whatever, it's a dead bag of shit right now." Lorenzo replied.

"I'll drink to that." Fideo replied, taking another slug of tequila.

"There's been a rumor going around about a drug called 'the Serum' that the Cartels are peddling these days. It's supposed to make you as strong as Superman…" Lorenzo replied.

"Think that's what this _pendejo _was on?" Fideo asked.

"I don't know. Yet." Mariachi replied, "But we're going to find out."

* * *

"So let me get this straight, Mr. Parr," the Beast began, "You people are from another world?"

"Yes." Elastigirl replied.

"And your world was attacked by a coalition of the Heartless controlled by your chief bad guy, Syndrome, and his forces." The Beast continued.

Mr. Incredible nodded.

"And your world is apparently a dimension where the Soviet Union still exists. And shortly after Syndrome took over, he got into a pissing contest with the Russians," Logan replied, "And they promptly invaded Metroville and are currently rampaging through it."

"Got it in one, dwarf." Mr. Incredible replied.

"Bob…" Helen chastised.

"And you guys are members of an organization called ACME that uses C-5 technology to travel between dimensions and anywhere on the planet." The Beast continued, as he indicated a Scottish woman with long brown hair and clear blue eyes, a swarthy Australian, a stocky bald man, a Japanese guy with a crew cut and a mustache, and a slender, pasty guy with glasses, with a border collie curled up at his feet.

"Yes." Marian, the Scot, replied, "We were relocating the Incredibles to this world, hoping that there wasn't going to be a Heartless problem."

"However it appears you've got at least a First Stage Infestation." Bluey Truscott, the Australian, replied.

"A what?" Storm asked.

"A First Stage Infestation, meaning the Heartless have only recently discovered your world. More will start coming." Jan Shimoda, the Japanese man, replied.

"ACME, that sounds familiar, I'm sure I've heard of it somewhere before…" Jean Grey began.

"Guys…" Mutiple began.

"Yeah, from Warner Brothers cartoons." Bobby countered.

"Hey, I resent that, squirt." Larry Purvis, the bespectacled K-9 handler, replied.

"Guys…" Multiple began again, a bit more forcefully.

"The Soviet Union still exists in your dimension?" Pitor asked Truscott.

The Australian replied, "In the Metroville dimension, yes.. I wouldn't be surprised if some GRU or KGB operatives followed the Parrs onto this world."

"GRU?" Scott asked, frowning.

"The _Glavnoe Razvedyvatel'noe Upravlenie _or 'Main Intelligence Directorate' of the Soviet Union." Bluey Truscott replied, "We've had our share of run-ins with them."

"So we've got problems, with the Heartless, the FOH, COBRA, and now the Soviets and Syndrome, whoever he is?" Scott replied.

"Syndrome and the Soviets aren't friendly with each other. For reasons yet unknown, Syndrome provoked the Soviets into invading Metroville." Elastigirl interjected.

"GUYS!" Multiple shouted, with an uncharacteristic bossy tone.

"What is it, Jamie?" Jean asked.

"ACME, I recognize it from old cartoon videos lying around the mansion. They were the people that chase Carmen Sandiego…" Jamie replied.

"Right you are, lad." Marian replied, smiling.

"However the chase for Carmen Sandiego is only one-tenth of our actual activities. It has the most publicity. A full nine-tenths of our activities are often of the interdimensional variety." Papa Louie, the bald man, replied.

"And our most recent project was relocating Metroville escapees to other worlds, including the Parrs." Marian added.

"We should share all this information with the Misfits." Xavier concluded.

"Misfits?" Marian asked, "You mean those insane pirate wannabes?"

"Among other things. The Misfits were former enemies of the X-men, called the Brotherhood of Mutants. When the leader of the Brotherhood, Magneto, cast them out, the Army unit called G.I. Joe found them and rehabilitated them. The Misfits are the former Brotherhood members with G.I. Joe leaders." Xavier replied.

"You might wanna reconsider the former part, Chuck." Xavier replied, "Especially considering the Tin Grin and Avalanche fights."

"Obviously," Xavier groaned, "There's been a few adjustments."

"You mean that insane bearded sailor that trashed our dinner date last month is one of the Misfits?" Bob asked, "Figures."

"Charles, this is going to work out real well…" Logan said, sarcastically.

"I'll take us to the liquor store." Warren groaned.

"You're buying, Wings." Logan replied.

* * *

"I ain't saying nothing without my lawyer." Kyle Hamilton said, as he sat in the Interrogation Room of the Pit.

"It's your prerogative." Emily Arlington, the British Secret Service agent, asked, "Can I get you anything?"

"Well, I think I'll have a tequila with lime." Sands quipped.

"Not you, Sands. I'm talking about Mr. Hamilton." Emily asked.

"Sands! I knew you were a damn Fed!" Hamilton replied, "Forget it! I'm not telling you and Ms. Brit there anything."

"Hey! I resemble that remark!" Sands replied.

"Suit yourself." Emily said, "It's been eight hours already."

"I say drastic measures are necessary." Sands yawned.

"Hey! I know my rights! This is illegal…" Hamilton replied.

"We're not using this for any criminal trial." Emily replied, "Trinity, you can come in now."

"OK…" The three girls entered the interrogation room.

"Hah! If I didn't say a word to an ex-CIA agent and…" Hamilton continued, and impersonated Emily's British accent, "a member of Her Majesty's Secret Service, what makes you think I'll say something to three teeny boppers…"

"Trust me, ass clown," Sands replied, "You're gonna sorely regret not talking."

"Hah." Hamilton replied.

"Well, it's been a long night, and I'd best get some rest." Emily replied as she walked out of the room. Sands followed after her.

"Hi Mr. Hamilton," Daria said, bearing a remote control in her hands, "We heard you're a member of that mean and nasty Friends of Humanity crew…"

"Well duh!" Hamilton replied.

"Well, I was wondering if you'd tell us who's your boss?" Brittany asked.

"What are you gonna do, cute me to death…?" Hamilton replied.

Quinn had a pouty expression on her face, "No, but we'll do more drastic things…"

"Hey, Emily said no torturing prisoners!" Brittany said.

"But she didn't say anything about serenades…" Daria replied, tapping the remote control.

"What the hell?" Hamilton asked, when he saw a robotic Richard Simmons in a gaudily colored leotard walk into the room.

"Sweat to the oldies!" The Richard Simmons robot said, running in place.

Several hours later: Emily headed to the Interrogation Room and opened the door.

"Thank God you're here! OK! I did it! I did it! I ran several FOH beatings in San Francisco!" Hamilton shouted.

"What did you girls do?" Emily asked, raising an eyebrow.

"We didn't do anything." Trinity replied, "Our robotic Richard Simmons did all the work…"

"Uh-huh, is that why there are components missing from my hair dryer?" Emily asked.

"I'll tell you everything! Please don't make me listen to Smells like Teen Spirit and watch that robot exercise again!" Hamilton pleaded hysterically.

Emily turned to Sands and said, "I admit, I was skeptical at first, but your idea of using Trinity to interrogate the more recalcitrant suspects was sheer genius…if a little disturbing…"

"I have my moments." Sands replied.

"Sands, you're talking to the wall…" Emily replied, rolling her eyes.

"You know, it's tough conducting these things without eyes!" Sands snapped.

"Hello. Hello. Hello Hello…." The robot sang as it did several calisthenics in the room.

"I'll call Roadblock in San Francisco with all the information that Trinity found." Emily replied.

"Why am I cleaning up the dirty work?" Sands replied.

"It was your idea." Emily shrugged.

* * *

TBC 


	6. Misfits, Mayhem, and Supers

Misfits, Mayhem, and Supers

Disclaimer: Same as before…Part of this was inspired by an episode of Rocko's Modern Life where Mr. Bighead believes he's a pirate…

* * *

"Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo..." Klondike began.

Lady Jaye scratched the dog behind the ears, as he came over from the other side of the house with his leash in his mouth. "Woo woo woo..."

She yawned sleepily. She'd just come from night exercises to a severely frazzled looking Flint, two toddlers that had just recently fallen asleep, and a sleeping Klondike. Well, an almost sleeping Klondike, as soon as she'd walked through the door, Klondike had woken up and started wooing and pulling the cute act.

"That is just about the most active animal I have ever seen." Flint began as he sat up from the couch where he'd fallen asleep.

"Woo woo woo woo woo..." Klondike said, as if to argue that he'd taken about seventeen naps of varying length that day.

"Well I just got back from night exercises." Lady Jaye replied

"Well I took this crazy dog for a walk, with the babies in the strollers, which almost turned into a sled pull..." Flint replied.

"Woo woo woo woo woo." Klondike protested, as if to say, 'I was bred to pull sleds in a hurry, so sue me...'

"Strollers are not dog sleds." Flint said to Klondike.

"Not to mention I also had to deal with the babies, and then Leatherneck and Wetsuit being their usually immature selves, as well as preventing Scarlet from using Klondike as target practice when I took him on a walk." Flint added.

"Woo woo woo woo woo…" Klondike protested.

"I just came back from a Beach Head lead night exercise, dear." Lady Jaye replied, "So if you think you're tired…"

"Woo woo woo woo woo!" Klondike began.

"That crazy dog nearly dragged me…" Flint began.

"I don't want to hear about it." Lady Jaye replied, "If you can't handle that dog, then I'll take care of it."

Lady Jaye grabbed the lead from Klondike's mouth as Flint stood up from the chair and said, "Like hell you will!"

"Don't tell me your pride is being hurt because you can't handle Klondike…" Lady Jaye replied.

"It has nothing to do with that." Flint replied.

"Woo woo woo woo woo!"

"Shut up!" Flint commanded.

"Woo woo woo woo woo!"

"Oh I will make you! Especially when I tie you to a stake in the back yard." Flint threatened.

"Woo woo woo woo woo."

Despite herself, Lady Jaye laughed, "You two are having dominance issues…"

"Woo woo woo woo woo!"

"What issues?" Flint shouted.

"Woo woo woo woo woo!" Klondike echoed.

"We both clearly understand who's in charge." Flint replied and noticed Klondike dragged something out from underneath the couch.

"What is that…oh no…" Flint groaned. Klondike had a brown little teddy bear covered in slobber, wearing camouflage fatigues and shiny little black boots…

"ALRIGHT! WHERE'S THAT MANGY MONGREL!" Beach Head shouted, kicking down the front door.

"Beach Head, calm down! He's a dog for Christ's sake!" Lady Jaye shouted.

"Woo woo woo woo woo!" Klondike barked as he flicked Sergeant Snuffles into the air.

"Let me at him! Let me at him!" Beach Head shouted, crashing right into Flint.

"Beach Head! Calm down, he's a dog for goodness sake!" Flint replied.

"Come on boy, let's go for a walk." Lady Jaye replied.

"Woo woo woo…" Klondike voiced.

* * *

"Phoebe, can I ask you for some sisterly advice?" Paige asked.

"Sure. What is it?" Phoebe replied.

"I got the weirdest phone call from Ted last night. It's some deep dark secret he now wants to tell me." Paige replied.

"What did he say?" Phoebe asked.

"It was something about how well I thought I knew him." Paige replied, "And I basically told him everything I knew about him, except whatever this big secret is that he's keeping from me."

"What else did he say?" Phoebe asked.

"That's pretty much the gist of it." Paige replied.

"OK, if you're worried that he's married or that he's cheating on you, you're wrong." Phoebe replied.

"How do you know this?" Paige asked.

"Premonition." Phoebe replied.

"What? You got a premonition off of Ted?" Paige replied.

"Yeah." Phoebe replied, "Actually it was more of seeing his past."

"And you never told me?" Paige replied.

"Paige, as both a sister and an advice columnist, I say it's something you should find out on your own. And it has nothing to do with his past relationships." Phoebe replied.

"What do you mean?" Paige asked.

"I'd rather not talk abut it, since Ted asked me not to say anything. But trust me, he isn't cheating." Phoebe replied.

"Phoebe, I believe you. But I worry about Ted, and why he didn't trust me enough to tell me about whatever this thing is sooner." Paige replied.

"Maybe he was afraid that you wouldn't trust him…" Phoebe replied.

"That's ridiculous, Phoebe." Paige replied, "Call it Whitelighter intuition or women's intuition or a combination of both, but I have a good feeling about Ted…"

"He's going to need that from you." Phoebe replied, "He needs you to trust him."

"Trust him with what. I already trust him." Paige replied, "Phoebe, what are you telling me? Is Ted half-Demon or is he going to turn into the next Source or what…"

"No, nothing like that!" Phoebe backpedaled.

"Then what is it?" Paige demanded.

"It has to do with his time in Israel." Phoebe replied, "Besides you two should discuss this face to face."

"Which is what Ted called me about last night." Paige replied.

"You'll have to wait till then, but I only ask this," Phoebe replied, "Please don't judge him too quickly."

Phoebe left for work just then, as Paige stood there, musing and sipping at a cup of coffee."If you ask me," Piper commented, "I wish you had never met Ted. But since being with him makes you happy, I won't interfere."

"That's surprisingly tolerant of you." Paige replied, "May I ask where that flash of insight came from?"

"Well, I just remember what it was like when Leo has to go hop all over the place as a Whitelighter, right in the middle of something really important we need to talk about." Piper replied, "It's the same with Ted's job as a soldier."

Paige hugged her big sister, "Thank you Piper…"

"That means I understand what you're going through, I'm still not through questioning your sanity about dating Ted." Piper asked.

"We are not having this chat again, Piper." Paige replied.

"Well, every time Ted comes by here something bad happens. Not the least of which is a certain gray furred, wooing menace." Piper snapped.

"You mean Klondike?" Paige replied.

"Do you know any other gray furred menaces?" Piper asked.

"The Wendigo." Paige replied.

"ARRGHH!" Piper shouted as she walked out of the room.

* * *

"Sands, what are you doing?" Emily asked, "You were supposed to stay at the house."

"Footloose said he'd stick around with the Pirates. I figured two Intelligence officers might be better to meet this aide of General Eddington's…" Sands replied.

Emily shot him a look, "Bollocks."

"OK, I wanted to get the hell out of the house. Especially with the Turners playing the Taco Grande song to keep their baby calm and the Pirates acting like their usual insane selves." Sands replied.

"Well we don't want Hawk to rip them to shreds, especially after last night's tank incident." Emily replied.

"To be fair, we were interrogating the FOH guy." Sands replied.

"Yeah, but the Pirates got drunk and took a tank." Emily replied.

"Well how were we supposed to know that Pirates would go on a drinking binge and steal a tank?" Sands replied.

"Well the drinking part is to be expected. But even I didn't expect them to steal a tank, accidentally start it up, and cause it to start firing shells occasionally." Sands replied.

"Cover Girl is going to kill them…" Emily remarked.

"Then she should get in line." Sands replied, "Half the Pit wants to get the Pirates after the tank incident."

"And the other half is after Klondike." Emily replied.

"What has he done this time?" Sands asked.

"Well he buried half a dozen bras, none of them mine, in the back yard. They belonged to Scarlet and Lady Jaye." Emily replied.

"And what about this Captain Atkins?" Sands asked.

"She's an Air Force Intelligence officer, works as an aide for General Eddington." Emily replied.

"Sounds really pleasant to me." Sands replied, sarcastically.

"I'm not looking forward to this at all…" Emily replied.

At the airstrip, Emily and Sands sat in their jeep as the passenger airliner was letting passengers, mostly a group of Greenshirts, but there was one passenger who stood out from the others. She was tall, about four inches taller than Emily, and five taller than Sands, and slender. Her dark brown hair was cut just above her shirt and framed a long, aristocratic face with intelligent brown eyes.

"Captain Atkins, I presume." Sands said.

"I'm standing to your right mister…" Julie replied.

"Sands. Agent Sands, Central Intelligence Agency." Sands replied.

"He's on the blind side." Emily replied, "Emily Arlington, Her Majesty's Secret Service."

"Huh, I didn't know the CIA recruited blind men." Julie blinked.

"He's technically retired." Emily replied.

"Due to losing his eyesight?" Julie asked.

"Yeah, Once Upon a Time in Mexico." Sands replied.

They drove towards Misfit Manor in a sort of silence until Julie asked, "So what's it like to work with muties?"

"Careful, lady, you might not want to use that term around the handlers." Sands replied.

"It's what they are, right?" Julie asked.

"Well they are mutants, but they consider mutie derisive." Emily replied.

The distant sound of an explosion could be heard in the distance. "Thunder and not a cloud in the sky." Julie remarked.

"This is an Army base, so explosions are fairly common." Sands remarked.

"I must warn you, this isn't a traditional Army base." Emily began.

It was coming from the direction of the Misfit Manor. As the jeep headed towards the Manor, Emily and Julie noticed that one of the Manor's second story windows was open and there was a dryer in the window. All the Pirates were standing around the dryer, waving their cutlasses and shouting.

"FIRE!" Jack Sparrow shouted.

Mr. Gibbs shoved a bundle of lit dynamite into the dryer and Jack cranked up the heat to the highest possible setting, overheating some gas inside the dryer and when it got to a certain point, Gibbs flung the glass door open and launched the dynamite out the window where it exploded in midair.

"ARHHH HA HA HA HAR!" The pirates chanted insanely.

Julie ducked in the back seat, as the blast went off over her head. "What the hell - ?"

"It would appear the Pirates have learned how to use the dryer as some kind of crude cannon…" Emily remarked.

"**_Pirates_**?" Julie demanded, her eyes going wide, "You have insane _pirate_ wannabes on this base?"

"Not wannabes, pirates." Sands replied.

"Actual pirates?" Julie asked.

"Exactly what I said." Sands said, "Pirates."

Meanwhile Jack put some propane inside the dryer and heated the gas, closed the door then opened it again, and then Gibbs shoved a bowling ball inside. BOOM!

The bowling ball flew out of the dryer, into the air, towards the jeep where it smashed into the hood.

"ARGH! HAR HAR HAR!" The Pirates all shouted, waving their cutlasses and yelling like maniacs.

"What have I gotten myself into?" Julie groaned. Sands and Emily weren't even all that fazed by the Pirates' insanity.

"We need to have a serious chat with the Pirates about doing something constructive whenever they're alone and we can't watch out for them." Emily replied.

BOOM!

"HA HA HA HA HAR!" The Pirates' maniacal laughter could be heard echoing through the air.

* * *

"_He who blessed our forefathers Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, may He bless the soldiers of Israel."_ Ted whispered to himself. It was that same familiar feeling, those same shakes felt before operations. He checked the chamber of his IMI Jericho 941F, feeling its comfortable weight in his right hand before tucking it back into the holster on his right thigh.

_Focus. The mission. _With those three words, Ted was able to shut down the niggling fears, and that talk with Paige he was due to have whenever the hell this mission ended. _Forget her for the next forty-five minutes._

Ted let a yawn silently escape and Shipwreck turned to face him, "You alright there, Mountaineer?"

"I'm fine." Ted replied, in truth he hadn't slept a wink since that dream last night.

"Hmm, I'm sure you did..." Shipwreck said, sarcastically.

"Shipwreck, fighting with the YAMAS unit, we were busy night and day whenever we deployed to Gaza in 2001." Ted replied, "I'll be fine."

"As soon as this op is over, you're getting some sleep, soldier." Shipwreck replied.

"Believe me, I'd like nothing better." Ted replied.

The place where the leader they were going to arrest, Skyler Greene, ran a waste disposal company where the raiding party was going to strike. Ted's heart was hammering in his chest, the way it did before nearly any operation.

Skyler Greene was currently addressing a large assembly of Friends of Humanity followers; it was a larger gathering at the docks, in one of his warehouses where he typically stored tons of garbage on its way out to sea for burial. He was a wiry, compact fellow, with reddish hair.

Shipwreck and Cover Girl were in position, disguised as a couple, Ted grinned inwardly as he watched them through the skylight. They were doing a damn good job of it. _If we'd carried out my method, all we would need Low Light to do was shoot this fucker through the head._

"We must protect San Francisco from the freaks that inhabit the streets. The authorities won't do anything about it! They just let them roam loose on our streets. They let them live their lives, and potentially endanger us. For every mutant that runs free, that means another genetic contaminant for our human gene pool. For every mutant that roams free, that means your daughters, sisters, and mothers could well birth the next generation of their evil race. We must do more than kill them, we must exterminate them…" Greene began.

Ted could hear the words drifting through the open scaffolding and remembered the beaten faces of those killed at the morgue. Teenagers mostly, but there was that frail old woman who was barely recognizable as human after the beating she had received. And this bastard condoned it. _All we would need would be a GPS receiver, an Apache gunship and a couple Hellfire missiles to level this building around all those bastards. Just like what we did to Moshed the Mangler back in Samaria when we flattened the fucker's terror cell with one helicopter and three missiles._

Shipwreck felt the same emotions. _I wish I could just draw out my Desert Eagles and put a couple bullets into that prick and shut him up permanently. That's my kids he's condemning…_Cover Girl squeezed his hand, as part of keeping up the cover, and also to calm Shipwreck. She bit back the emotions that flooded in as well. Those scumbags were talking about murdering innocent people, but she could sense Shipwreck was damn near livid. She thought he would pull his Desert Eagle and shoot Greene with half a dozen .50 caliber bullets. Instead, the sailor reached for a soda-can sized cylinder in his trench coat. Cover Girl reached under her own jacket and grabbed a similar cylinder.

Xi, meanwhile was creeping up the walls and onto the ceiling, in his invisible state, no one could detect him. He crawled up above Greene and then leapt down from the ceiling, grappling onto Greene, holding him in a solid headlock.

At the same time Shipwreck and Cover Girl donned gas masks, and threw the cylinders, non-lethal area neutralizers. The gas spread into the room and knocked everyone not masked out. Xi had a mask on his face as well as a climbing harness attached to his body. A weighted rope came through the skylight and Xi attached himself to it via a karabiner. As soon as it was attached, he felt himself lifted into the air as Ted cranked a winch to pull Xi and Greene through the skylight.

Just then a large, bulky fellow in red spandex with a black mask crashed through the wall and instantly began coughing. He backed right out of the room as Xi continued his ascent through the skylight, as Ted yanked him up he noticed a blur of red movement out of the corner of his right eye.

Ted spun round quickly, drawing out his 9mm Jericho 941F. Standing out of arm's length was a woman with short brown hair, in red spandex with a black mask. Her arm snaked towards Xi to grab Greene. Ted opened fire, shooting half a dozen rounds before the arm snaked towards him and knocked him flat.

The woman was now trying to snatch the prisoner from Xi, who was fighting valiantly to try and prevent that. Just then, Toad came leaping upward from an adjacent building and leapt onto the woman's back trying to tear her off of Xi.

_She could've easily knocked me over the side of the building, but she didn't. Why? Unless…_Ted thought.

"What the hell? We're here to help you!" Ted shouted.

"Who are you?" Helen Parr asked the soldier wearing the olive green uniform of the Israeli Defense Force.

"We're no friends of the FOH if that's what you're asking." Ted replied, keeping his weapon at the ready.

"If you're here to help, why do you have a gun ready?" Helen asked.

"Force of habit." Ted replied, keeping his eye on the stretching woman, obviously a mutant of some kind.

Shipwreck ran outside just in time to find himself face to face with the same man in red spandex who they'd glimpsed ducking in and out of the cloud of knockout gas. "Who the hell are you?" Both men asked simultaneously.

"What are you doing here?" Bob Parr asked

"I could ask the same of you." Shipwreck replied, sliding the safety off of both of his Desert Eagles, yet keeping his eyes on Bob.

"We're after Mr. Greene, a card carrying member of the Friends of Humanity. What's he to you?" Bob asked, "Are you a friend of his."

"Trust me, Santa," Shipwreck quipped, stepping between Cover Girl and Bob, "I'm no friend of Greene's."

"Watch the name calling…" Bob warned.

"If the shoe fits…" Shipwreck replied.

Pietro came racing in, just in time to be knocked down by a speeding red streak. "What the…?" Pietro shouted as he was struck from the side by a fast moving person, moving as fast as he moved.

"Who the hell are you, midget?" Pietro asked, as he was knocked down by a kid in red spandex with a black mask.

"Watch who you're calling midget, girlie man." Dash replied.

"Who's a girlie man?" Pietro demanded.

"I'm staring right at him." Dash commented.

"DIE!" Pietro shouted and the two speedsters traded rapid fire punches and dodged or caught them to no effect.

"LEAVE MY BROTHER ALONE!" came the shout from down the alley.

Pietro turned just in time to see a girl wearing an identical outfit to the boy he was fighting, with long black hair with a yellow hair band. A blue forcefield of some kind developed around her in a strange bubble of some sort as she stretched out and rolled end over end like a giant pinball towards Pietro.

That was just the window Dash needed to land three punches in rapid succession to the side of Pietro's face, knocking him senseless.

"Wuh…Wuh…Wuh…" Pietro said as he staggered around the alley like a drunk, right into the path of Violet Parr…

"QUICKSILVER!" Blob shouted, and ran between the two of them, flinging himself into the path of the forcefield ball, shoving it uphill in an attempt to slow it down. Violet had gravity on her side, and the forcefield itself, while transparent as glass had the molecular strength of depleted uranium. A champion weightlifter would have a hell of a time trying to slow her Momentum Maneuver, but Freddy Dukes was no ordinary weightlifter.

Violet concentrated harder, making the forcefield still denser, and thus heavier as she caused the sphere surrounding her to move. The big lug pushing against the feld was slowly, but sure losing ground, his feet making furrows in the concrete.

"Urrrgghhh! GGRRR!" Fred groaned with exertion as he pushed against the sphere, but beginning to lose ground.

"Hey! No one hurts Pietro but us, kiddo!" Lance shouted as he ran in. His eyes rolled into his skull as he made another tremor that opened up in between Violet and Blob, trapping Violet in the fissure.

Violet promptly disengaged the forcefield and the big lug in front of her grabbed at her, crushing her in a huge bear hug. She kicked and bit at the Blob, but Blob's skin was invulnerable.

"Hands of my sister!" Dash shouted and jumped onto the Blob's back, and hooking his fingers into Blob's nose and eyes.

"Oh no you don't, squirt!" Lance shouted, flinging Dash onto the ground and pinning his chest with one foot.

"Who the heck are you guys?" Blob asked.

"My parents are going to kick all your asses!" Violet shouted.

"Hey, if we wanted to hurt you, we would have done it already!" Lance replied.

"I'd…urgh…love to see you try!" Dash replied.

"Look, it's obvious we're not gonna hurt you guys." Blob began, "So who are you?"

"We're after the FOH jerks in the warehouse." Violet began.

"Then we definitely are on the same side." Lance added, as he released his foot off of Dash who promptly slugged him in the face, "HEY!"

"That's for the Squirt name, Jerkoff!" Dash began, just as he was pinned to the wall by a whirlwind.

Pietro said, "This city ain't big enough for two speedsters, kiddo."

"Pietro, they're enemies of the FOH too. So that makes them allies. Sort of…" Blob cautioned as he set Violet down gently.

"Dash, go get Mom and Dad, tell them that, whoever you guys are…"

"We're the Misfits." Lance replied.

"Tell Mom and Dad that the Misfits are on our side." Violet began.

Dash sped out of Pietro's grasp to do just that. "Wow, Quickie, talk about an improvement on your face." Lance remarked.

"Why thank you Avalanche," Pietro began, as he headed over to a nearby window to preen himself, "I'm glad to see that….YAGH!"

"What's a Yagh?" Blob asked.

"MY FACE! MY FACE! THE LITTLE SHRIMP HIT ME IN THE FACE! OOOOHHH! I'M GONNA KILL HIM WHEN I CATCH HIM!" Pietro shouted.

"Is he always this prissy?" Violet asked.

"You have no idea." Lance remarked, rolling his eyes.

Meanwhile, Dash had run over to Helen and Bob and told them about the Misfits. After his son had convinced him, Bob turned to Shipwreck, "Looks like we have quite a bit to discuss…"

"And I know just the place. Climb aboard the Misfit Express…" Shipwreck said as he touched his teleporter watch.

* * *

TBC: Coming up next, the Incredibles meet the Misfits, with the X-men stirred into the mixture for spice and the Pirates for a secret ingredient. Tune in shortly for **Sugar and Spice and Everything Not Nice**… 


	7. Sugar and Spice and Everything Not Nice

Sugar and Spice and Everything Not Nice

Disclaimer: Same as before…Hats off to Red Witch for creating the Misfitverse for all of us to write in. A beer at the bar for the lady…

Pirates: BAR! HA HA HA HAR!

* * *

"Well, it'll be time soon…" Ted replied, as he sat on top of a large rock formation, the one Lance's sleep terraforming had created last week. He scratched Klondike behind the ears, as the Siberian Husky rested himself on his lap.

Klondike licked Ted's forearm and the Canadian tiredly grinned. "It'll be time to tell Paige everything I did in Israel."

"Woo woo woo…"

"Yeah, I really shouldn't have anything to worry about, right?" Ted replied, "I mean we love each other…"

Klondike started licking Ted's face as he sat up, as if to say, "Hey, you've still got me around."

Ted scratched Klondike at the sides of his neck, "Ah, dog therapy can certainly help."

"Woo woo…" Klondike wooed excitedly.

"Yeah, I can tell you're happy to see me." Ted replied, "And I don't think I've ever seen Flint look so happy. What did you do?"

"Woo woo woo woo woo!"

"I did warn them Sibes are a very high energy breed." Ted replied.

Klondike slinked around to a spot on the rocky platform for a second and reappeared a few seconds later. "Paige is an understanding girlfriend, she wouldn't reject me over the past, and I mean those operations were for the good of the Israeli state and…" Ted said to himself, not noticing Klondike had slinked off.

Ted turned around and saw Klondike emerge from a small, den-like space on the rock, "What is that in your mouth?" Ted replied.

Klondike deposited the item onto Ted's lap and he noticed it was a green lace and silk bra. "Wha-Where did you find that thing?"

"OK! WHERE'S THAT FOUR LEGGED WALKING FLEA FACTORY!" Scarlett's angry voice echoed.

Ted glanced into the den-like space with a flashlight and found a wide assortment of items, quite a few of them belonging to female Joes. "Great, I've adopted a voyeur of a dog..."

"Woo woo woo woo woo..." Klondike began.

"No, you're not sweet talking your way out of this one." Ted replied simply, "What did you get up to while I was gone for a week?"

"Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo." Klondike replied, as if to say, "Well..."

"Never mind," Ted sighed, "I don't think I want to know."

Ted climbed down from the rock, with Klondike following him after Ted had attached Klondike's leash. The pair headed back into Misfit Manor.

BOOM!

"ARH HA HA HA HAR!" The Pirates all chanted simultaneously with drawn cutlasses in the air. Evidently the Pirates had taken the

CRASH! A bowling ball went flying through the air before hitting Duke's Jeep, sending him careening onto the roar.

"Ow…" Duke groaned from the front yard.

"Hey stranger," Paige's voice echoed, "I thought I'd find you back here."

Ted turned around to see Paige standing a few feet behind him. "I missed you." Ted replied, as he embraced her.

"So did I." Paige replied, "However, Piper didn't miss either of you…"

"Woo woo woo…"

"Hi Klondike," Paige replied, patting the dog on top of his furry head. The Sibe licked Paige's hand a few times.

"I see the Pirates have learned something new." Paige replied, "I never thought a dryer could be turned into a makeshift cannon."

BOOM!

"There is no end to the Pirates' ingenuity, however I wish it wouldn't involve our household appliances." Ted replied.

BOOM!

"HA HA HA HA HAR!" The Pirates all chanted.

"AUGH! WHO BLASTED MY SUITCASES ALL OVER THE LAWN!" Julie Atkins screamed, "I HAVEN'T EVEN UNPACKED THEM YET!"

"Woo woo woo woo woo!" Klondike began.

"Oh no you don't!" Ted replied, yanking on Klondike's leash, "You're not collecting any of Captain Atkins' bras."

"What?" Paige asked.

"Let's say the female Joes of the Pit really have it out for Klondike and leave it at that." Ted replied.

"Yes, stealing personal items can upset a girl." Paige replied, crouching down in front of Klondike, "What've you got there, boy?"

"Leave it!" Ted commanded, and Klondike dropped the bra in his hands.

"I see why the female Joes aren't overly fond of Klondike." Paige replied, "So what did you want to talk to me about?"

_The die is cast._ Ted thought. Klondike instinctively sat beside Ted's right leg, nuzzling him there.

"Paige, I ask again, how well do you think you know me?" Ted asked.

"I know you like to drink Molson Golden, Mountain Dew's your favorite soda, you have an almost unhealthy fascination with rock climbing…" Paige replied, "So I think I know you pretty well."

"During the Palestinian Intifada, the Israeli military carried out some operations to suppress the uprising." Ted replied, "The Shin Bet really wanted to use our _Mistaravim_, or undercover units, against the Palestinians. But we weren't there to arrest them. We were there to kill them."

"Ted, soldiers are trained to kill people, right?" Paige asked.

"That's right." Ted replied, "But it takes a toll on a soldier to go walk up to a man and gun him down in front of a mosque, and then do it again to a different man."

"Ted, I don't understand…" Paige replied, putting her hands on his shoulders, "Why did you join the Israeli Army in the first place?"

"It started at a place I have always gone to think." Ted replied, "The fort at Masada."

_Masada, 1995: Ted climbed the narrow Snake Path, so named because of it's winding course up the side of the plateau, barely wide enough for two men standing side by side. The lightweight backpack on his shoulders, and the Camelbak hydration system were a barely felt weight. The sun had yet to rise as Ted continued his climb, and he was fighting the residual effect of the night chill of the Negev Desert._

_Ted sat atop a rock, near a ruined wall of the ancient citadel atop the plateau. As the red copper disk of the sun beamed out over the Israeli Negev Desert he began to think. A line of torches could be seen coming up the Roman ramp, the platform built in 73 AD by the Romans besieging the Jewish rebels in the fort almost two thousand years ago. _

_Ted imagined what it had been like, almost a thousand zealots, rebels against Rome. The very first who rebelled, and now the last of the almost entirely quashed insurrection fled here after thousands of their colleagues fell before Roman swords or were crucified on the roadways throughout Judea. He imagined the desperate struggle, of watching the Romans build the ramp higher and higher, until their battering rams gained the plateau and began knocking down the stone walls. The zealots hastily constructed an earth and wood wall that the battering ram only strengthened with its pounding. He imagined the Romans burning down that wall, and waiting until sunrise to break into the fort. What the Romans found were corpses the next day, for the nearly one-thousand Zealots had chosen suicide rather than surrender…_

_A line of recruits to the Israeli Airborne Forces followed the torch bearers. As the soldiers formed ranks in a square a few yards away from Ted, an officer strode in front of the assembled Israeli soldiers._

"_Almost two thousand years ago, men of our land chose death rather than a life of servitude under a foreign oppressor." The colonel intoned, "And for centuries after, we were scattered into the four winds. We returned here, to our land and well before we were granted independence in 1948 we were at war."_

"_It was here," said the Colonel, "That our ancestors chose death before surrender. And it has always been here where every generation of Israeli soldier has been sworn into service to declare unanimously: Masada shall not fall again."_

"_MASADA SHALL NOT FALL AGAIN!" The unanimous shout from amongst the soldiers echoed. _

"For the first time in twenty-two years of life, I really felt like I belonged somewhere." Ted replied, "And two months later I had joined the MAGAV."

"It wasn't just idealism that kept you in, was it?" Paige asked.

"Paige, the idealistic side of me kinda got a wakeup call on a roadside in Gaza." Ted replied…

_Ted Griffin, barely twenty-two years old and a new recruit to the MAGAV, ducked behind the jeep of his vehicle and fired his M16 at the Palestinian ambushers, seeing one of them crumple dead to the ground. He went to change out his empty magazine with fumbling, shaking fingers when he saw a Palestinian fighter about to shoot his AK47 at the medics. He had no idea that Ted was nearby, just outside his field of vision._

_Ted grabbed one of his hand grenades, pulled the pin, and threw it at the Palestinian. It landed perfectly beneath him, right between his legs and exploded with a flash, throwing its victim into the air with a column of dirt. _

_Ted was amazed. The Palestinian sat up, screaming in pain, clutching at his lower body…_

"_Griffin! God damn it! Man your weapon!" Shlomo shouted._

_Ted leveled his M16 after reloading another magazine before squeezing the trigger twice and gunning the man down…_

"You once told me that Israeli draftees only need to stay in for three years. What kept you in for six and a half years after your obligated service time?" Paige asked.

"I had a lot of friends I made over the years in Israel." Ted replied, "I remember it like it was yesterday…"

_Tel Aviv, 1997: "Looking forward to it, Ted?" Margot asked, sliding a stray strand of her short blonde hair from her face._

"_One more year." Ted replied, wearily, taking another gulp of his beer._

"_I remember when I was in," Margot replied, "Shortly after I turned eighteen…"_

"_But they let you guys go after two years." Ted replied._

"_Well, I'm glad you went into the MAGAV." Margot replied, "That was my service." _

_Ted had known Margot since he was nine and she was eleven. She had been invaluable as far as advising him on joining the military. _

"So Margot was your best friend?" Paige asked.

"Best friend, pseudo-big sister, pseudo-girlfriend." Ted replied.

"Pseudo-girlfriend?" Paige asked, raising her right eyebrow.

"She used to write letters to me all the time in boot camp. While I was living in a seven man tent in the middle of the Negev Desert, learning how to clear rooms, fire all weapons used by the Israeli Defense Force, and suffering the ire of MAGAV drill sergeants I waited for letters from her." Ted replied, "She used to sign off with 'Your Girlfriend, Margot' even if she was engaged to be married. She did that to comfort a guy far away from anything familiar."

"She sounds like a good friend, but what does that have to do with you staying more than three years in the MAGAV?" Paige asked.

_Jerusalem, 1997: The bus was a smoking ruin, the stench of burning oil, paint, and burning flesh invaded Ted's nostrils. A young man had come onto the bus and lifted his shirt, revealing several pounds of high explosives which he subsequently detonated. _

_Ted forced the door with the breaching tools on his back. The heat of the explosion had almost melted the door shut. After a good push on the crowbar breacher, the door gave way and the smell assaulted him, the smell of burnt flesh, blood, and oil was overpowering. Ted got out of the way of the paramedics and then turned towards the side of the bus and threw up. _

_Ted returned to his station, keeping the crowds away from the blast site. He saw two paramedics out of the corner of his eyes carrying a black body bag between them. The bag was open just enough for him to catch sight of a blonde haired head._

_**Oh God. No! It can't be…**Ted thought, horrified. He didn't dare imagine. The paramedics laid the bag atop the pile of other body bags waiting for the 'meat wagon' to take them to the coroners. He glanced and immediately all the color drained out of his face. _

_He recognized Margot's face, easily, despite the third degree burn on the left side of it. One eye was swollen shut from the blast, the other was open, and clearly showed Margot had lived for at least a few moments after the explosion._

_Margot was survived by her husband and her oldest son, eighteen months old. Her unborn child had died in the blast with its mother. **God, if you exist, let me kill the bastards responsible for this.** _

"Revenge." Ted replied, "Pure and simple revenge."

Paige stood there in stunned silence. Ted continued, "I understand if you think I'm some sort of crazed monster…"

Paige put up her hand, "Ted, I think nothing of the sort. I'm more upset about the fact that you didn't tell me about this sooner."

"Each person I killed with that motivation meant I felt further and further away from home." Ted replied, "I spent a month back home in Canada before joining G.I. Joe. I wound up pursuing old past-times to try and reconnect with who I was before the war. I found out you can never go home again."

"Ted, as a witch I've had to do some things I regret too." Paige replied, "So if you think I have no clue what you felt, and what you're feeling, you obviously don't know me very well."

"I'm sorry I underestimated you, Paige." Ted replied, "This was one relationship I didn't want to go sour."

"Ted, I have a good feeling about us. I want 'us' to work out, and I want you to let me help you." Paige replied.

Ted reached inside his shirt and Paige saw a metal, rectangular disk and a small silver crucifix on the end of a neck chain. The information on it was in Hebrew and had a horizontal perforation so the disk would break in half. Ted snapped the metal disk in half, took one of Paige's hand in two of his own while pressing the disk half into the palm of her hands.

"Paige, as you know, a dog tag is taken from a soldier when he is killed or captured. This is to show that you've certainly captured my heart." Ted replied.

"I'll take good care of it." Paige replied, sniffling.

"We'd better get inside. We have a meeting in a few minutes…" Ted replied.

* * *

"Name one gift, Avalanche, that hasn't backfired regarding Kitty." Rogue demanded.

"Well, ahem…" Lance began, "There was always the penguin, you know how Everybody Loves Penguins."

"Not everybody!" Kurt replied, "I have had an insane, obsessed penguin stalker for the past few _years _wanting to peck off my tail."

"Then there was that Amazon Rosewood Tercher." Bobby added, "That ate up half the Institute."

"Let's not forget the Eau d'Avalanche!" Scott snapped.

"Hey, Lockheed wasn't a bad gift." Lance replied.

"That Darn Dragon has set fire to, bitten and chewed through, and caused havoc for half the mansion's population more times than I care to admit!" Kurt replied, "OW!"

Lockheed was clamped firmly to Kurt's tail, "My tail is not a chew toy!"

Kurt started whacking Lockheed with a rolled up magazine, which caused the baby dragon to bite harder.

"KURT!" Kitty shrieked before jumping on top of the blue furred mutant and pummeling him with both fists.

"You know the saying beware of Greeks bringing gifts." Betsy Braddock replied, "Change that to beware of Misfits bearing gifts."

"Let's get this meeting started, preferably before the house is dearly departed." Roadblock began.

"So let me get this straight," Cover Girl began, pointing at Bob Parr, "You guys are a family from a world where Superheroes exist. In your alter-ego you guys are the Incredibles, and most of the time you're the Parr family, for the sake of cover…"

"PARR HA HA HA HAR!" The Pirates all chanted, waving cutlasses and bottles of rum.

"QUIET!" Bob shouted at the Pirates.

"That was the worst Saturday Night Live skit I ever saw." Violet remarked.

"Yeah, it was even lamer than Not-So-Quicksilver…" Dash began.

"Not as lame as Dash the Crash!" Pietro snapped back.

"The only thing quick about you, Pietro, is your ability to go out of style." Dash replied.

"Good one." Lance replied.

"WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON!" Pietro shouted.

"ENOUGH!" Cover Girl shouted, "Now, before we were sidetracked, you guys were relocated here because your world had been taken over by a bad guy named Syndrome. Who apparently has control of the Heartless and provoked the Soviet Union, which still exists on your world, into war."

"Exactly." Helen replied, "But we can't figure out exactly why the Syndrome would piss of the Soviets."

"Probably to try and kill us." Bob replied.

"And you guys were relocated here with the help of the ACME Detective Agency's Clandestine Service branch, which you guys are a part of." Warren chimed in, pointing at the small group of ACME operatives.

"Exactly." Bluey Truscott replied, "It was to keep this lot out of trouble, but that hasn't worked too well."

"That's only because you relocated us to a world full of mutants, anti-mutant activists, and let's not forget HEARTLESS!" Bob replied.

"Some blokes can't keep themselves out of trouble." The Filipino-Australian replied.

"Bluey, Bob," Marian replied, "Can you two not fill the room with enough hostility to start a third world war for three seconds."

"That's a record for those two." Jan Shimoda quipped.

"Well, sometimes Santa Claus can't help himself." Logan replied, "Bugging people is his thing."

"Don't start with me on the weight, Dwarf!" Bob snapped.

"What are you gonna do, sit on me?" Logan replied.

"I outta…" Bob began.

"Bob!" Helen chastised, "Sorry, sometimes he can be a little pigheaded."

"That's the understatement of the year." Bluey chimed in.

"Well, you're not exactly the most civil person alive either, Truscott." Aron brought in.

"And you're not exactly the most honest, either." Truscott replied to his teammate.

"So moving on, you three are witches." Helen replied, indicating the Halliwells, the Parr's next door neighbors.

"Exactly Mrs. Parr." Phoebe replied.

"PARR HA HA HA HAR!" The Pirates chanted insanely.

"Witches in the 21st Century. This is new, and I suppose you travel by broom…" Bob replied.

"The only broom I see is the one I'll use to whack you over the head." Piper snapped.

"Hint," Ted said to Bob, "Do not get her started."

"Woo woo woo woo woo." Klondike added, as if to put his two cents in.

"Woof woof!" Sprocket, the Border Collie assigned to the ACME detachment, barked as well.

"Will you two control your barking menaces?" Beach Head snapped.

"Hey, no one insults my dog but me!" Larry Purvis, the wiry, bespectacled handler replied.

"And you guys chase around demons, warlocks, and all sorts of bad magical creatures?" Helen replied.

Paige nodded and Helen continued, "And Leo, you're a guardian angel for witches, a Whitelighter?"

Leo nodded, "Not to mention Piper's husband."

"Isn't that breaking some kind of rule?" Bob replied, "Some kind of fraternization rule."

"Watch it, unless you want your family jewels blown up!" Piper snapped.

"And I admire your patience, my friend. It seems like it's always that time of the month your bonnie lass." Jack Sparrow remarked.

Anamaria and Piper looked at each other for a moment and nodded. Piper slapped the right side of Jack's face and Anamaria slapped the left side of Jack's face.

"I'm afraid your mouth moved faster than your wit, Jack." Elizabeth laughed.

"Taco…" Will said, pointing at Low Light before flexing his left bicep, "Grande…"

"Shipwreck! See what you started!" Low Light shouted.

At Low Light's bellowing, Alex began to fuss and Elizabeth walked over to Low Light and hit him over the head with a vase.

"HEY!" Shipwreck replied, "THAT'S AN ANTIQUE!"

"Boy, 1998 sure is a vintage year, huh Dad?" Althea asked.

"And you guys are a bunch of pirates from another world, destroyed by the Heartless?" Helen asked.

"A bunch of pirates who periodically get drunk and terrorize San Francisco." Bob replied.

"Not to mention my suitcases." Julie Atkins grumbled, as she walked through the front door, carrying an armload of clothes, including a share of bras and panties.

"Right you are, matey." Mr. Gibbs replied, taking a swallow of his bottle of rum.

"How did you guys find this world?" Marian asked, "We have to learn of worlds through agents who discover them through word of mouth."

"As the Heartless ravaged all we knew and loved," Will Turner began, "Jack and the Black Pearl appeared on the horizon and his mysterious compass lead us to your world."

Jack was staring at his mysterious compass as Violet peered over his shoulder, "It looks like it's broken, I mean it doesn't point north."

"But we weren't trying to find north." Jack replied, "We sought to escape from the Heartless."

"And it brought you here?" Helen asked.

"Yes." Jack replied.

"I need a cup of coffee," Leo groaned, and Piper put her hand on his shoulder, "Yeah, Chris kept me up most of last night. I didn't want to wake you up, honey, because you had that headache."

"I could use some too." Paige replied.

Leo headed over to the kitchen and noticed a pot of coffee in the coffee maker and poured himself a cup, and one for Paige. He sipped at the cup and instantly felt like he'd been kicked by a mule. A broad grin spread over his face.

After Paige swallowed her first gulp, she realized very quickly that something was wrong. She hiccupped and saw orbs in front of her. "Whoa, I've never had coffee do that before…"

Leo immediately started to dance a jig and started to sing, "Hava nagilah, Hava, nagilah, Hava, nagilah venism'chah…"

"Oh no…" Paige groaned, as she realized she just had a drink of B.A.'s Infamous Eye Opener.

"Hava, naranana, Hava, naranana, Hava, naranana, venism'chah." Leo continued to sing and dance as Paige joined in.

Meanwhile the Misfits began to take hits from the pot of B.A.'s Coffee and they began to start acting strangely as well.

Xi jumped into the air, doing a spinning kick and he hit the ground singing, "Everybody was kung fu fighting. Those cats were fast as lightning."

"In fact it was a little bit frightening!" Toad said as he kicked towards Xi.

"But they fought with expert timing!" Althea said, as she kicked over Toad's head.

"They were funky Chinamen!" Xi sang as he broke a table with a downward palm strike, "From funky China town!"

"They were chopping men up! They were chopping men down!" Althea shouted as she kicked outward and knocked over Jean Grey.

"It's an ancient Chinese art! And everybody knew their part. From a feinting to a slip, and we're kicking from the hip!" Toad shouted as he jumped into the air with a splitting double kick, knocking down Cyclops with his back leg and Bobby with his front leg.

"Everybody was kung fu fighting!" Althea, Xi, and Toad all sang simultaneously, kicking and striking as they fought imaginary foes, standing back to back, but in reality breaking stationary objects and stationary people as well.

Meanwhile Paige and Leo were holding up a chair in the air and bouncing Forge up and down, in the manner of some traditional Jewish wedding ceremony singing, "Uru, uru achim,  
Uru na achim b'lev shameach, Uru na achim b'lev shameach, Uru na achim b'lev shameach!"

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Forge groaned as his butt hit the wood of the chair.

"Piper, quick! Freeze the room!" Phoebe began.

"I'm on it!" Piper replied, dodging a kick from Xi.

"Everybody was kung fu fighting!" Xi shouted.

Piper froze the room and Phoebe began to say the spell, "Oh substance of omen ill. Leave their systems, if you will. Their antics are of great woe. Leave their system with due haste and go."

As the commotion was going on, Julie Atkins began to record everything that happened, including Piper's freeze and Phoebe's using magic with a small digital camera. As soon as the freeze wore off, she snuck upstairs and began to compose an e-mail on her laptop. She uploaded the video onto the computer and e-mailed it to General Eddington.

Five minutes later a reply appeared on Julie's account:

Captain Atkins,

Good job. Keep reporting everything at Misfit Manor, who comes and goes. Make sure they don't suspect you.

Eddington

_How much longer am I gonna have to stay with these freaks? They give me the creeps. Especially the green scaled one..._Julie thought._ I can't last on this assignment much longer..._

* * *

TBC: Up next, the Villains conspire still further as the Misfits go after the FOH's leadership. Something is soon to be afoot in Orlando… 


	8. Of Conclusions and Conspiracies

Of Conclusions, Conspiracies, and Mariachis

Disclaimer: Same as before.

* * *

Paige fingered the small metal rectangle on the bedside table and let out a small yawn. Ted stirred next to her, but he didn't wake up. The last night was somewhat of a blur, but it was a feeling she remembered from her high school days, the feeling of waking up after a night of drinking, a hangover.

_At least I know I'm dating a gentleman. _Paige thought. Ted barely stirred, he was fast asleep, weeks of reconnaissance and planning and snatch and grabs, not to mention the late night meeting with the Incredibles and breaking up a fight between Lance and Pitor with their ever present dueling over Kitty had left him tired to the extreme.

Paige delicately fingered the outside of a bruise on his rib cage that he had sustained from taking a hit from Lance when he got between him and Pitor. Ted stirred but didn't wake up, Paige smiled and kissed his forehead. He made that sort of contented muttering type noise that she always liked to hear. _Note to self do this more often._

She lay back down on the bed and fell back asleep. Twenty minutes later she awoke to the feel of a familiar furry snout and tongue on her face belonging to a very familiar Siberian Husky. "Eww, Klondike..." Paige groaned.

Ted sat up in bed, "He does that a lot. You can tell he likes you."

Paige turned towards Ted, "Well I've already got a boyfriend, I don't need any more kisses."

"Woo woo woo woo." Klondike wooed.

"Quiet you." Ted replied, "Off."

Klondike climbed off the bed and then put his forepaws on the bed, nudging Ted's forearm. He was looking eagerly with his blue eyed gaze at the two of them, as if to say, "_Come on you guys, it's seven-thirty in the morning. We're burning daylight here..._"

Ted glanced at his beside clock; Low Light wasn't due to take him to the helicopter sniping course until eleven. Klondike bent down on the floor; forepaws extended all the way, his rump in the air and his tail wagging mightily.

Ted climbed out of bed and went after his boots, socks, and trousers before sliding on a green YAMAS t-shirt. Paige climbed out of the bed too, having been tucked in wearing the clothes she wore the night before, she slid on her shoes and took a frisbee from Ted's dresser, with a Molson logo on it.

"Woo woo woo woo woo!"

"Klondike, calm down, we're going outside." Ted replied.

"He's a dynamo if I ever saw one." Paige quipped.

The two of them walked outside as Klondike ran around Paige and Ted, wooing excitedly every so often before Ted opened the back door and walked outside. Klondike followed Paige and Ted before Paige flung the Frisbee down the backyard.

After Klondike chased the Frisbee around a few times, and calmed down a little, Paige and Ted walked with him back into the house just as the sound of Pietro screaming like a little girl echoed through the halls.

"OW! OW! OW! WANDA! STOP! I DIDN'T MEAN TO FEED MR. STUPID TO KLONDIKE! NOT THE HEXING! NOT THE HEXING! MERCY! MERCY!" Pietro screamed.

Paige and Ted looked up to see Pietro wrapped in hexing energy, moving inexorably towards Trinity's bedroom.

"NO! NO! NOT TRINITY'S BEDROOM! IN THE NAME OF HUMANITY!" Pietro begged.

"Oh Pietro! You've come to play with us?" Trinity could be heard chanting.

"Come on girls," Brittany said, "Fire up the Speedy Sizzler..."

"OH NO! NOT THE SPEEDY SIZZLER!" Pietro shrieked like a school girl.

HISSSS! WHAP! BZZZZAAPPPP!

"AIEEEEEEEE!" Pietro screamed as several Amperes of current coursed through his body.

"Ted, you live in an insane asylum." Paige quipped.

"You're just now noticing this?" Ted replied with a cocked eyebrow.

"MOUNTAINEER! YOU ARE DEAD! YOU HEAR ME DEAD!" Lady Jaye shouted as she kicked down the front door.

"Now, Lady Jaye, calm down! What did Ted do?" Paige asked.

"It wasn't Ted, it was his insane pet!" Lady Jaye replied, "Don't give me that 'who me?' look you insane, bra stealing flea factory!"

"First of all, that was one incident. All the stolen personal items in Klondike's little alcove belonged to Scarlet and Cover Girl." Ted replied.

"Give that back, mutt!" Lady Jaye shouted as she was playing tug of war with Klondike for a very sexy aqua silk bra.

"That doesn't always work, Jaye." Ted replied, "After all, Klondike was built to pull sleds."

Klondike won the tug of war, because Lady Jaye didn't want to tear the bra in two. Klondike trotted up to Paige and dropped the bra at her feet, "Thanks but no thanks, Klondike, I have plenty of those."

Paige picked the bra up and handed it back to Lady Jaye. "Remind me next time we watch over Klondike to play fetch with a hand grenade." Lady Jaye replied.

"With or without the pin?" Ted replied.

"Without, of course." Lady Jaye replied with a wicked grin as she walked out of the house with her stolen bra in her right hand.

"Sibes are a merry, slightly mischievous breed." Ted replied.

"_Slightly _mischievous?" Roadblock began, "That's like saying Cobra Commander is only slightly devious."

"Mountaineer, your pet needs some serious obedience training." Low Light added.

"He's only a pup," Ted replied, "Give him some time."

"I could keep an eye on Klondike for today, since you guys seem somewhat preoccupied." Paige offered.

"Thanks, I think he needs to lie low for a while." Ted replied, handing Klondike's leash to Paige.

"I'M NOT LISTENING! I'M NOT LISTENING! TRA LA LA LA LA!" Lance shouted.

"Another Coyote problem?" Paige asked.

"I'm afraid so." Ted replied.

"Listen, I've gotta get to work." Paige replied, "I'll see you later, I love you."

"I'll see you later. I love you too, honey." Ted replied.

Paige orbed back to San Francisco as Lance walked around the room with his hands over his ears chanting, "Whose afraid of the Big Bad Wolf! Big Bad Wolf! Big Bad Wolf! Who's afraid of the big bad wolf, tra la la la la!"

"Is it a bad thing when Lance starts chanting Disney songs?" Emily asked Roadblock with a raised eyebrow.

"This happens often." Roadblock replied, as he opened a cabinet. The sound of a tea kettle whistling could be heard.

"Earl Grey or English Breakfast?" Emily asked.

"I think English Breakfast Tea might be in order." Roadblock said.

"Chamomile is more soothing." Emily replied.

"Chamomile it is then." Roadblock said.

"Guys," Cover Girl replied, "Have you seen the dryer anywhere?"

BOOM!

"ARH HA HA HA HAR!" The Pirates all chanted.

"Ye idiot you had the dryer cannon facing the wrong way!" Gibbs shouted.

A woman's shriek could be heard upstairs, "JACK SPARROW YOU ARE DEAD! YOU HEAR ME! DEAD!"

"You have no manner of luck at all, Jack." Gibbs replied.

"Oh shut up, mate, and save me." Jack shouted as he ran downstairs, pursued by a very irate Julie wearing nothing but a little white towel that covered her just above her chest to the middle of her thighs.

Julie was chasing Jack with a meat cleaver that she swung around, narrowly missing Sands as he walked into the kitchen. Sands flung up his hands to protect himself from the swinging meat cleaver.

"Hey watch it with that thing, lady; you could hurt someone. Namely me!" Sands shouted. One of Sands' flailing hands grabbed the knot of the towel on Julie's chest which spun around and around, leaving her wearing nothing save for the angry look on her face.

"Sands," Julie began, "Prepare to die…"

Julie leaped on him and started pummeling him, "AUGH! ABUSE OF THE HANDICAPPED! ABUSE OF THE HANDICAPPED!" Sands shouted.

"Can you make that Chamomile tea a double dose?" Roadblock replied.

"I think a shot of brandy might be the best thing for all this insanity." Emily replied.

"Lead the way." Roadblock replied.

"HELP ME! HELP ME!" Sands shouted, "DON'T JUST WALK AWAY!"

"Sands, I hate to say this but you brought this on yourself." Blind Master quipped.

"It's terrible bad luck to interfere with a man with a naked woman." Mr. Gibbs added.

"YOW! OW! NOT BELOW THE BELT!" Sands screamed.

* * *

"YEOW! Watch it with the time bombs Boom Boom!" Bobby shouted.

"I was aiming at the giant robotic pterodactyls that were diving at you!" Tabitha protested.

"Less talking! More dodging of lasers!" Jean shouted.

"Remind me to kill Forge for inventing the Sentinel Dactyls." Ray grumbled.

"Trust me, we'll all help." Scott replied, as he fired a laser blast at one of the pterodactyls. It absorbed the laser energy and sent it flying back towards Bobby, lighting his butt on fire.

"OWWWW!" Bobby shouted as he ran around the Danger Room screaming like a hyperactive five year old, "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!"

"I didn't know that lasers don't work on those pterodactyls." Cyclops replied.

"What else is in this insane simulation?" Kitty asked.

"Blah! Boola! Boola!" the sound echoed loudly. An enormous robotic gorilla resembling Primeape from the Pokemon cartoon series came barreling over the nearest hill.

It crashed down the hill with fists bared and punched wildly. It crashed towards Kitty who froze her eyes wide as dinner plates. Colossus shoved Shadowcat out of the way just in time to be tackled by the Primeape.

Metal screeched against metal as the two titans tackled against each other before Primeape scored a solid punch, knocking out Colossus.

"Punch this!" Gambit shouted and hurled a burst of lethal cards at it.

"BLAH! BOOLA BOOLA!" The Primeape replied, if anything else the explosions seemed to make it angrier.

WHACK! It smashed a fist into Gambit's stomach.

"Oh no yah don't yah overgrown puff ball!" Rogue said, "Only ah get to beat up Swamp Rat!"

"BOOLA! BOOLA!"

"Forge! Turn these things off!" Kitty shouted as she dodged a missile fired from one of the Pterodactyls.

Forge's voice echoed over the Danger Room's PA system, "That's the thing. I didn't build them with off switches. However, I don't think they can leave the Danger Room."

CRASH! WHACK! Several Primeapes appeared seemingly from out of nowhere and began attacking the X-men.

Pitor was wrestling with two of them and slowly losing ground, one of the two Primeapes began pummeling away at him with his fists. CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! The sound of metal striking metal resounded through the air.

"Are you sure?" Kitty asked, as one of the Primeape's dented the wall of the Danger Room.

"Forge! What did you armor these things with?" Pitor shouted, "Those hits are starting to hurt."

"I think I made it out of used Sentinel armor combined with some scrap metal I found…" Forge replied.

"I think we'll turn your lab into scrap metal!" Jean replied as she dodged a stream of burning napalm fired from the beak of one of the attacking pterosaurs.

"Flamethrowers? You put flamethrowers into those Pterodactyls?" Scott shouted, "YOW! MY BUTT'S ON FIRE!"

CRASH! A Primeape smashed against the Danger Room wall.

"He can't crack the wall, can he?" Beast asked Forge in the control room.

"He shouldn't be able to." Forge replied, "The wall is solid adamantium."

"The kids seem to be having problems destroying them." Beast replied.

CRACK! A crack appeared in the wall.

"Where did you find that scrap heap, if I may ask, Forge?" Logan asked.

"Uhm, it's a funny story, you see…" Forge began.

"This," Logan replied, walking up to Forge and casually extending a claw to scratch his own scalp, "is going to be good."

"Where did you find them, Forge?" Beast asked.

"The scrap yard behind Shield HQ…" Forge replied, sweating.

"That scrap heap wouldn't happen to contain scrap _adamantium_, would it?" Logan replied.

"Uh-Er…" Forge began, "Y'know, I didn't quite check that."

CRASH! The Primeape smashed through the wall and into the Mansion. Out of the crack flew several flame throwing, missile firing, and dive bombing robotic pterodactyls as well.

"Can't leave the Danger Room, eh?" Wolverine said, "This is going to be good…"

"BLAH! BOOLAH BOOLAH!" The Primeape robot chanted as it chased Xavier down the hallway.

"AGH!" Xavier screamed, fleeing for his life at top speed on his wheelchair from the pursuing Primeape.

Logan jumped in front of the Primeape, "OK Bub, this is the last straw."

PUNCH! The Primeape knocked Logan out of the way with deceptive ease as it chased Xavier down the hallway.

Suddenly music began to echo from tiny speakers on the pterodactyl bodies. Hank recognized the sound as the 1812 Overture played by the San Francisco Orchestra. Every time it reached its peak salvoes of rockets and streams of flamethrower fuel would be fired.

Lockheed joined the pterodactyls flying in formation and as the orchestral beat reached it crescendo and percussion section he let out streams of fire, setting fire to items and the occasional student.

"MEOW!" Prometheus shrieked as the dactyls and Lockheed pursued him as one united formation.

Again the percussion session of the Overture sounded and the dactyls fired rockets and Lockheed sprayed fire at the cat. Prometheus ran blindly down the hall with singed fur, running from the pterodactyls and Lockheed.

* * *

_Vancouver, 1994: "It's so rare we see each other these days." Ted remarked, as he took another pull of his Molson lager. Sitting across from him were his friends from the summer archaeology expeditions to Israel. Margot, a slim blonde woman; Derek, a tall brown haired young man; and Moki a short Bedouin all nodded. _

"_So how's Oxford been?" Derek asked._

"_A real ass kicker. I really can't wait till I go to the field again. I'm sick of those teacup archaeologists." Ted replied._

"_Israel's changing. I mean the Palestinians are getting antsy." Derek replied._

"_Let's not forget So-damn-insane's Scud attacks, shall we." Moki replied._

"_Can we talk about something else, please. I mean I had to deal with this sort of crap for two years when I was in the MAGAV." Margot replied._

"_Ted, that sure was nice of your folks for helping Moki with that visa." Derek replied._

"_Praise be Allah." Moki replied. _

_Derek took Margot's hand as they spoke and Moki noticed a slight pained look in Ted's eyes. Since his parents and he volunteered at the dig sites of the expedition every summer, he got to know Ted, Margot, and Derek quite well. It was obvious since they were teenagers that they competed for Margot's affections, but she ultimately chose Derek. Things were tense for a bit, but Ted, Margot and Derek had settled things._

"_Para bailar la bamba..." The nearby juke-box sounded._

"_Well, it's the perfect time for you three to repeat your feats in Haifa." Moki began._

"_What?" Margot replied, laughing, "First of all, I wasn't drunk. These two were." _

"_Bullshit!" Ted replied, "I distinctly recall you had your share of Pink Ladies that night." _

"_Not to mention one or two Shirley Temples." Derek replied. _

"_Whose side are you on, honey..." Margot replied. _

"_Either way, Margot," Moki replied, "You were singing." _

"_That was so these two didn't look stupid." Margot replied. _

"_Liar!" Derek and Ted unanimously declared. _

"_Either way, your parents weren't happy when you three came back from Haifa drunk." Moki observed. _

"_Barkeep," Ted replied, "Another club soda for my friend." _

_Jerusalem, 1997: Derek walked through the hall of the morgue. He hoped it wasn't what he had feared, after hearing reports of that suicide bombing. The tired gray eyes of the coroner looked at Derek for a second before sliding back the sheet._

_The dead face that stared back at him barely resembled his six months pregnant wife. Her face had a third degree burn on the left side of it. One eye was swollen shut from the blast, the other was open, and clearly showed Margot had lived for at least a few moments after the explosion._

"_Oh God! Oh my God…" Derek replied. _

_Not one, but two lives had ended that day in Jerusalem, two lives of importance to Derek. He remembered Zane, their eighteen month old son saying "Mama?" multiple times whenever Derek walked in the door._

"_Derek…" came the sound. Derek sat up in bed, and saw Margot standing before him. A wraith, looking exactly as she did on the cold metal slab where the doctors were conducting an autopsy. _

"…_Don't you want to hold your daughter?" Margot asked, handing him a bundle._

_Derek opened the cloth bundle and saw in his arms a stillborn baby._

Derek sat up in bed, drenched in sweat. Two o'clock in the morning. No way in hell he was sleeping again. He scratched at his chin and could feel evidence of two months of beard growth. For most of the years since Margot died in Israel Derek devoted himself to teaching at University of California, Berkeley and trying to raise Zane.

He wasn't sleeping tonight for any reason. He climbed out of his bed, wearing nothing but his gray sweat pants and slid on his slippers before he walked out of the bedroom to his study. As he walked down the hall he opened Zane's door ajar and watched the nine year old's chest rise and fall.

At this age, the boy had some of Margot's delicate features, her blonde hair, and her slender build. He was all Derek had left of Margot. As he headed over to his office he sat at the computer, working on his latest paper, typing some more words on his latest research on the ancient cult of the Assassins, an Islamic sect that were the scourge of the Abbasid Caliphate and the Umayyad Caliphate until the Mongols put an end to their scheming and assassinations.

He couldn't concentrate after about twenty minutes. Too much of the Assassins ideology reminded him of the sort of killers that took away Margot and their unborn daughter. He padded downstairs and turned on the television.

"Dear friends, why should those Charles Xavier euphemistically calls 'gifted' enjoy things the rest of us cannot? Why should they enjoy the gift of almost invincibility while the rest of us deal with aging and death? What if they should turn on us? What if they decide that they are not willing to share the planet? Humanity must forget its differences and unite against the unholy mutant…" Reverend Stryker's voice intoned.

_Why should mutants be immune from explosions? Or diseases or other things that can kill us ordinary humans? Why should they be spared grief? The same grief I felt every night since Margot was killed. Why didn't she have powers like being able to survive a blast? It's so damn unfair…_Derek thought.

"So brother humans, come join us at our gatherings, all are welcome for solidarity is the protection of the human race…" Stryker continued.

_I wonder where they gather? _Derek thought.

* * *

"So, are your followers ready in Orlando?" Syndrome asked Stryker.

"Yes. They are ready and waiting for Congressman Shale's participation in the Mutant Rights Rally." Stryker replied.

"What of the attacks of the Misfits on your San Francisco operation?" COBRA Commander asked, "The last I heard is that several local cell leaders were killed or captured by the Misfits."

"My San Francisco operation is weakened, yes, but it will serve as a distraction for the Misfits and G.I. Joe for our attack on Congressman Shale. His remarkable abilities might be of some use for your Dr. Mindbender's experiments, as will those of the other mutants who will be attending this rally." Stryker replied.

"An interesting proposition, but it seems you and your thugs have failed to take one thing into account. Congressman Shale is solid as a rock, and I do mean literally." COBRA Commander replied, smugly, "So I don't see how you're going to carry out this operation."

"Don't you think I took that into account." Stryker said, "Unlike you, I plan operations that are successful."

"I carry out successful operations too!" COBRA Commander bristled.

"Name one?" Stryker sniped.

"Well there was the time we tried…" COBRA Commander replied.

"No that one failed." Destro quipped.

"Whose side are you on?" COBRA Commander replied.

"Why your side of course, but I am merely pointing out the truth." Destro replied, "COBRA does not have the highest success rate of operations of any terrorist organization."

"Hence why you are number 150 among the world's worst terrorists." Stryker replied, "And just what are you doing for this operation."

"Take that back!" COBRA Commander replied.

"Make me." Stryker replied.

"Gentlemen…" Syndrome began.

"I'll do worse than that!" COBRA Commander replied.

"I'm really frightened," Stryker replied, "I'm being threatened by terrorism's most incompetent nimrod. The only thing less frightening than you is a juvenile delinquent."

"Why you – !" COBRA Commander hissed and jumped across the table and tackled Stryker.

Styker struck back, but almost as soon as his fist landed both he and COBRA Commander found themselves suspended in midair. Aimed at them was Syndrome's index finger. Neither man could even twitch a muscle.

"Gentlemen." Syndrome replied, "Cooperating is the only way we are going to defeat G.I. Joe and the Misfits. Now, petty differences aside, I think General Eddington has some very interesting gadgets that are useful in blunting mutant powers…"

After Syndrome released them, Stryker said, "I'm listening…"

"Now, Barillo," Syndrome asked, "How is the Mexico operation coming along."

"Very well. The Range Vipers and Desert Scorpions of COBRA have been a most helpful supplement to my forces." Armando Barillo replied.

* * *

Klondike slipped through the door open ajar, looking for some soft, comfortable spot to lie down. He climbed onto the bed and burrowed under the strange earth the humans called 'blankets'. The female human in the bed stirred slightly.

"Leo?" Piper muttered sleepily. Klondike burrowed his snout into Piper's hair.

"You are so cute when you're begging for cuddle time." Piper remarked. Klondike licked the back of Piper's neck.

Klondike nuzzled and licked the back of her neck and Piper leaned back with a contented sigh and a girlish laugh, "Leo, stop it, you're going to give Wyatt and Chris a baby brother or sister before we know it if you keep this up."

Leo walked through the door as Piper spoke. "Who are you talking to, Piper?"

Piper's eyes were still closed, "I'm talking to you, silly…"

"Piper. I was in the bathroom earlier, I just came in." Leo said, "Who's in the bed with you?"

"What? That's ridiculous I thought that you…" Piper said, sitting up and opening her eyes before turning around.

Klondike sat up in the bed panting before he licked Piper's face. "KLONDIKE? WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?" Piper snapped.

"Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo." Klondike wooed.

"SHOO! SHOO! SHOO!" Piper shouted as she chased Klondike out of the room.

Klondike slinked off the bed, running out of the bedroom and dragging the covers behind him. "HEY COME BACK HERE WITH THOSE!" Piper shouted as she barreled out the door, tripped over a pair of slippers near the doorway, and then hit the floor.

"Woo woo woo woo woo!"

"Piper, it's after midnight…" Phoebe groaned as she came out of her room, irritated.

"PAIGE! COME OUT HERE! NOW!" Piper shouted, ignoring Phoebe.

"Piper, calm down," Leo said, "It's sort of funny looking back on it."

"Where's the demon?" Paige groaned sleepily as she came out of her bedroom.

"Why is Klondike in the house?" Piper asked.

"Ted asked me to keep an eye on Klondike." Paige replied, "And the other Joes and Misfits were busy with other things."

"And now a gray furred, wooing menace more destructive than any demon is now on the loose in this house!" Piper snapped.

"Woo woo woo woo woo…"

"Piper, calm down, he's a dog, not a demon." Phoebe said, crouching down beside Klondike and scratching the Siberian Husky behind the ears.

Klondike licked Phoebe's hand and put his right paw into Phoebe's open left hand as he sat down. Phoebe felt that jolt that always came with premonitions of any kind.

_The dogs were kept in wire cages in a concrete silo of some kind, the only light filtering in through the occasional window. The mother lay, weak from being bred every cycle on one side, her pups nursing._

_Two farmers and a COBRA Snow Viper stood outside the cages, "We need more sled dogs." The Viper said, and left._

"_We have to keep breeding." The puppymiller said._

"_Yeah, but some of our breeding stock are no good." The other said, indicating the exhausted female Siberian Husky, her once beautiful red and white coat matted and stinky. _

"_This is her last litter." The first replied, and reached for a revolver in his pocket. _

_The man took the rope and bodily lifted the exhausted female husky out of the cage and took her outside into the deep woods. There was a whine, a loud crack, and then an eerie silence. The cage top was still slightly open. The puppy crawled up through the open cage top and ran with wild abandon away from the hateful place…_

"Oh you poor thing…" Phoebe began. Klondike affectionately licked Phoebe's face.

"Woo woo…" Klondike continued.

* * *

"What is going on?" Fideo asked.

"What are these things?" Lorenzo replied, as he blasted another Heartless with two .45 caliber rounds.

The creature was about four and a half feet tall, all black with glowing yellow eyes, with no facial expression and claws. It lay with two big holes blown through its torso.

"I don't know." El Mariachi replied, as he surveyed the damage of the roadside cantina. He brushed aside a strand of sheet metal with his right foot, "But perhaps they were once human…"

Lying half buried under the rubble was a human, or something that was once human. It's right eye was brown, but the other was a dimly glowing orb of yellow. What looked like antennae were sticking out of the man's forehead like ghastly black spikes.

"Where did these things come from?" Fideo asked.

Mariachi narrowed his eyes, "Perhaps the Cartels? Remnants of General Marquez's faction (1)? Who knows?"

"Mariachi…" Lorenzo said, holding a portable radio near his ear, "Come listen to this."

"Panic has gripped the countryside with sightings of strange creatures. The creatures' activity has been primarily nocturnal. Residents of Culiacan are advised to remain indoors after dusk until dawn due to the nocturnal habits of these strange creatures." The radio announcer intoned, "Furthermore reports of violence from unidentified gunmen in Culiacan…"

"Unidentified my ass." Fideo replied, "It's the Cartels acting up again and they know it."

"The Cartels have deep pockets, Fideo." Mariachi remarked.

"Do you think that they're plotting another coup?" Lorenzo asked.

"Wait a minute, isn't this the Los Cazadores Catina?" Fideo asked.

"The hangout that the Alcazar Cartel practically owns? Almost no non-Alcazar people hang out there." Lorenzo began.

"And Alcazar Cartel muscled in on Barillo's operation after the Marquez coup went ass upward." Fideo continued.

"So they are not the best of friends." Mariachi replied, picking up on Fideo's train of thought, "If the rumors of the Barillo Cartel regrouping around some new leader and these strange things attacked an Alcazar Cartel hangout…"

"So these strange things are working for whoever's running the Barillo Cartel?" Lorenzo replied.

"Yes." Mariachi replied.

"And this means that the Barillo Cartel is rising again with these strange creatures backing them up, attacking the Alcazar Cartel." Fideo replied.

"I think it's bigger than that." Lorenzo replied, "If the Barillo Cartel is going after Barillo's rivals, who says they stop there?"

"Perhaps another coup is in the working." Mariachi replied, "We need answers…"

"Not to mention more ammo." Lorenzo replied.

* * *

END - Next in the sereis is the EPCOT Incident.

(1) The General who tried a coup d'etat against _El Presidente del Mexico_ in the movie _Once Upon A Time in Mexico. _


End file.
